Heaven holds a sense of wonder
by DarkBlueMoon
Summary: Chapter 27 is up! Plz R&R! hermione is happily married, but then her family and her friends get killed. By a Malfoy. She runs away to start a new life. But her past haunts her. R&R!
1. Chapter one Kind of a prologue

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
by DarkBlueMoon  
  
Pairing: Oliver Wood/ Hermione Granger (Wood), Hermione/ Draco Malfoy  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah, I know I own nothing. (If I would why would I write this???)  
  
AN: I will try to update as much as possible. Please, forgive me my mistakes, but English is not my native language. It would be great if you left, after reading the story, a little review. I need them, I love them, I want them!!! ;o)  
  
Prologue  
  
"Were all stars to disappear or die, I should learn to look at an empty sky And feel its total darkness sublime, Though this might take me a little time." (Auden, "The more Loving one")  
  
It was a wonderful morning. The sky was bright blue and the sun shined bright through the window on Hermione´s face. She was still half asleep, when she heard a little voice, singing happily. She groaned, this was definitely too early. She just wanted to sleep. Put the pillow over her head and just sleep.  
  
"Mommy" the voice grew louder.  
  
"Shhh, Lily I told you not to wake your Mommy up. It´s her birthday, let her sleep."  
  
"I know it is her birthday, but I want her to be up and play with me."  
  
Hermione slowly opened her eyes, the first thing she saw were bright blue eyes, and the sweet little face of her daughter Lily. She smiled widely.  
  
"Morning sweetheart." she yawned.  
  
"Morning Mommy, daddy made breakfast, so you just have to get up and play with me."  
  
"What did I told you Lily? About Mommy waking up? Now, let her at least get really up."  
  
"Morning Honey, Happy birthday." Oliver Wood stepped to the bed of his wife and kissed her gently on the lips.  
  
"Mhmmm, your kisses taste so good. Thanks."  
  
When she got up, she was really happy. She had a wonderful daughter, an amazing husband and two lovely friends. Harry and Ron were going to come this afternoon with their wives. Ginny and Harry were married and Ron and Lavender also.  
  
Hermione liked the four of them, but nothing was comparable to the friendship she shared with Harry and Ron.  
  
But now they were gone, they lived far away from her and their visits became rare. Sure, she was happy if they were, but she still missed the time when they were together every minute. Harry and ron hadn´t become Aurors like they intended.  
  
They had become Quidditchplayers in some little town league. Harry still dreamed of becoming a star. But everyone knew, he wold never make it. Ron couldn´t find another job, so he stayed at Quididtch. Both of them had to take care of a family., so their dreams were not the first priority.  
  
So they were sometimes, let´s say desperate. When they visited Hermione all their hidden feelings came out, all of them were remembered of the time when everything was possible.  
  
Hermione was the one who had the best cards. She was twenty-two now, happily married with a famous Quidditchplayer, worked as Auror (against the will of her husband) and had a sweet child.  
  
The dream of every girl, she thought sometimes to herself. But she wasn´t as happy as she should have been. She missed something.  
  
About her husband, her work and her whole life. Sure, Oliver was kind and everything of a gentlemen, but a thing they lost in their love was passion.  
  
Her work had become boring, since Voldemort was defeated again, the Aurors just had to do paperwork, although outside were a lot of former and other Death-Eaters. Fudge had had the "great" idea about an new law, that gave former Death-Eaters a new chance. Kind of "back-to-life-for-death-Eaters".  
  
Almost everyone of the Aurors was disgusted about this idea, but some people thought it would be a good new start.  
  
So, everything Hermione had to do, when she was at work, was to read files and write reports about long "kissed" Death-Eaters.  
  
She had lost her dream about help making a better world long ago. In her seventh year, they had defeat Voldemort again, but since then, Harry had become different. He wasn´t that heartily as before.  
  
And he never spoke about his dreams again. It was like something had been broken, during the war. He lost the trust into the people as well as she did. It seemed like the world wouldn´t like to be a better place  
  
Hermione would have been broken without Oliver as well. All the dead students everywhere, the screams of dying people in the air, the pain that laid over the battlefield. She lost her trust into the people.  
  
The idea that someone was willing to kill the people around him, just for fun, almost killed her. Voldemort´s desire for power wasn´t understandable for her.  
  
She just wanted to live her life and be happy. But he destroyed everything with his stupid and horrible war.  
  
Two months after the "big war" she married Oliver. And another two months she got pregnant. But it wasn´t safe to be pregnant, four months after the "big war" and being friend with Harry Potter.  
  
She had been with him and Ron on a week-end trip. Like they did every month. During this trip they got attacked by some Death-Eaters.  
  
Hermione almost died, but instead of her, her unborn child died.  
  
She had been very depressed after this incident. But somehow she and Oliver managed to get through this crisis. Three years later, at the age of twenty, she became again pregnant and this time, after nine month her daughter Lily was born.  
  
She and Oliver were incredible happy. They made Ron and Lavender godparents. Harry and Ginny, too.  
  
And now, Hermione should have to be happy. Sure, in some way she was, but sometimes she missed something, without knowing, what it was.  
  
Buttoday is my birthday. I am not going to ruin this day, with sad and dark thoughts. It seems to me like something very bad is going on, I should call them again...... means thoughts 


	2. Chapter two I love you

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one, blah, blah, blah.....  
  
Chapter II I love you  
  
Until the stars come crashing down  
  
until the moon no longer shines  
  
that's how long I'll wait for you  
  
that's how long I'll wait for you  
  
You are the meaning to my life  
  
and until the end of time  
  
that's how long I'll wait for you  
  
that's how long I'll wait for you  
  
And if we are oceans apart  
  
you will always be here in my heart  
  
and I'll always wait for you  
  
I'll always wait for you  
  
("Leap of faith" by David Charvet)  
  
"Oliver, I beg you. Please go. Take Lily and go away. Somewhere where no one knows you. Take her to the states. Nobody knows that I have relatives there. So you will be safe there."  
  
"Hermione, tell me what is going on here. I can´t leave you here, alone without knowing what happens. I have never seen you like this. You look like you are scared to death."  
  
Oliver looked really worried.  
  
"I don´t just look like, I am. I am scared to death. When I tell you why, promise me to leave and take Lily with you. I don´t want to loose another child."  
  
Slowly, like thinking again, Oliver nodded.  
  
"He killed them. Malfoy killed Harry, Ron, Ginny and Lavender. And soon, he will come for us. To kill you and Lily and me. When he comes I don´t want you to be here. I want to know that you are safe."  
  
At the first instant, Oliver thought Hermione would have become paranoid. But then, he saw the look in her eyes. He had just seen it once. And that was before the last battle of the "big war".  
  
He had hoped never to see that look again. A mixture of pain, fear, brave and the knowledge that this could be the end.  
  
He believed her, he knew that she would have to be totally sure, before she would tell him to go and take Lily with him.  
  
But he also knew, that she loved their daughter and him more than her own life. And so did he.  
  
"Hermione, I know you are serious. But I don´t want to let you here when this monster comes. I could never be happy when I left you here, alone. I want to be by your side, to help you and to defend my family against this monster."  
  
He stood up while he spoke.  
  
"I know darling, but I am the Auror in this family, I know how to defend myself." She smiled, but Oliver knew that it was a faked smile.  
  
"But....But he is a Death-Eater. You may know the three curses, but like I know you, you won´t use them. He would, and he will if he sees any advantage in it. I hope you know that."  
  
She nodded. Of course she knew, she had seen him kill many others. Although she didn´t kill him. Now, she hoped she could take it back, her mercy, today she wished with all her heart, that she would have killed him when she had chance. Like he had said, now she was going to be punished for showing mercy where it wasn´t wanted.  
  
She shook her head to remove those dark thoughts. The situation was already dark enough without her thinking dark thoughts.  
  
Oliver looked at her, worried.  
  
She smiled again.  
  
"I just don´t want you to die or to get hurt. I would feel so much better if I knew you and Lily were safe."  
  
"I know, but I´d rather die here with you that to live a life somewhere else without you."  
  
"And what about Lily? Where shall she go? Her godparents are dead, and if we are dead as well, she´ll be all alone. And I don´t want her to."  
  
Oliver just looked into her eyes. He knew she was right, that made it even more painful.  
  
"Okay, then wake her up and tell her she and her daddy are going on a little trip." His voice was low and his eyes shimmered with tears.  
  
Hermione went to his side and pressed a short kiss on his lips. When she was about to turn to her daughters room, she felt Oliver ´s hands on her waist. Slowly but firmly pulling her back to him. She turned to face him against. Pain was written over his entire face, pared with desire to kiss her. She pulled him closer, her hands raised to his neck. His forehead rested against hers. He looked deep into her eyes before he kissed her.  
  
His lips met hers softly, but soon demanding entrance with his tongue. She willingly gave it to him. Opening her mouth slowly she felt his tongue sliding inside, brushing against her own. They kissed gentle but passionately, slowly but demanding. After what seemed to her an eternity, Hermione broke the kiss and smiled up to him. It was the first real smile after that call.  
  
"I love you, Oliver Wood, and I always will. No matter how far away you are, no matter how long I won´t see you. I will love you till the day I die."  
  
A single tear slid down her cheek and Oliver gently kissed it away.  
  
"And so do I. No matter what happens to me, I will love you, Hermione Wood, until the world comes to an end. I want you to never forget that."  
  
She didn´t answered, but he knew that she understood.  
  
So they stood there in silence, just looking in each others eyes.  
  
*****  
  
She didn´t know how long they stood there, but somehow she felt that he had to go now.  
  
"Oliver, I´ll wake her up now, just take her little bag and then go with her to the airport."  
  
He simply nodded.  
  
*******  
  
"Hey, Sweetheart. Wake up. Your daddy and you are going on a trip today. You are going to fly in a plane."  
  
Hermione´s heart was about to break when she saw her little daughters eyes sparkle with excitement.  
  
"Really Mommy? When do we go?"  
  
"If you stand up, then you are going now." Hermione tried to fake a smile, and her daughter smiled back at her. Her big blue eyes locked with Hermione´s brown.  
  
"Can I take my teddy with me?"  
  
"Of course you can, but hurry now, The plane isn´t gonna wait for you and you don´t want to miss it, do you?"  
  
So Lily jumped out of her bed and got quickly dressed.  
  
************  
  
It was hard for Hermione to say goodbye to her loved ones. It made it even harder not to know when they would see each other again.  
  
She kneeled down in front of Lily.  
  
"Lily, you know that your Mommy loves you. Be a nice little girl as always." She smiled.  
  
"I´m gonna miss you my sweetheart. Have fun with your daddy and take care of him."  
  
"Don´t you come with us Mommy?"  
  
"No, Mommy has to do something, but I will come after you and daddy as fast as I can."  
  
"You promise?"  
  
"Yeah, I promise."  
  
"Okay, then I won´t have too much to worry about you."  
  
Hermione, Oliver and Lily laughed together. It was the last time they did.  
  
"Hermione," Oliver spoke,  
  
"There´s nothing much left to say. I love you. I´m sure we are going to be together soon."  
  
He hugged her, and Hermione wrapped her arms around him desperate.  
  
She smiled sadly as Lily hugged the legs of her parents.  
  
"But you have to go now, if not, you are gonna miss your plane."  
  
Oliver took Lily on his arm and stepped out of the apartment door.  
  
And Hermione closed the door.  
  
****************  
  
Hermione was nervous. She knew that Malfoy would come soon. So she hid all of her precious things, and put some breakable things away. More in order to calm herself down that to protect them from breaking.  
  
Then she heard the phone ring.  
  
She supposed it would be Malfoy, who wanted to scare her. But now, she knew that her family was safe and away, so she was much harder to scare. She took the phone and said:  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hello? Hermione, it is me, Percy."  
  
"Oh, hello Percy."  
  
"Hermione, something terrible happened. The police just called us. Ron, Ginny, Harry and Lavender are dead."  
  
He almost so screamed, so in pain he was.  
  
Suddenly Hermione felt that it would be better if no one knew that she had been told of the death of her friends by the murderer himself.  
  
"Oh my God. Percy, How?"  
  
"Nobody knows. It seems to been an attack. You know, like in you-know-who- times."  
  
"But I just wanted to tell you, I have to talk to Mum and Dad. I will call you if I hear something new."  
  
She hung up. She sighed. This was so damn unfair. Now, when she was alone she realised the truth. That her friends were gone. When her family was still there, she couldn´t concentrate, the only thought that was in her head was to make sure that they were safe. But no they were, and Malfoy wasn´t there yet so the time to think. Time for the thoughts to haunt her.  
  
Pictures of Harry, Ron and herself came to her mind. Smiling, laughing, the three of them. Hugging each other. Suddenly she remembered the feeling of safety when she was with them. The knowledge that they were there to help her and protect her, had made things much easier in her life. And now they were gone. Never coming back. The thought was almost unbearable for her. She fell to her knees, the eyes against the sky, and the only question she could think of was "why".  
  
"KNOCK, KNOCK"  
  
She was ripped of her thoughts by a loud knock on the door. She knew this had to be Malfoy. "BANG" The door was out of the frame.  
  
In the doorframe he stood.  
  
About six feet tall, his blonde hair hung to his ears and his eyes pierced into hers. They were of the same cold blue-grey she remembered them.  
  
"Uh, did I interrupt you, Mudblood?" He sneered.  
  
"I waited for you, you fucking bastard."  
  
"Ah, I already told you on the phone I don´t like your language, Granger. Oh, I forgot, you are married, Mrs. Wood."  
  
He smirked coldly.  
  
"I do not care what you like and to your information, I am divorced, my goddamn husband is out of here."  
  
"Don´t lie to me." With a little move of his wand she was pushed through the room and slammed against to wall. She fell to the floor. Every bone in her body was arching.  
  
"I have no intention to lie to you, fucking ferret." She spat out, coughing blood.  
  
"You lied again." Another move of his wand and she flew in his direction, stopping a few inches away from him. About a feet above the ground.  
  
"You have an intention, Mudblood. If I think you are alone, I just kill you, and don´t look out for your family. But how stupid do you think I am?"  
  
With this words and another wand-move she crashed into the next wall.  
  
"Look, Mrs. Wood, look what I have for you."  
  
He lifted her head with magic, forcing her to looked behind him to the door.  
  
Hermione screamed.  
  
**************TBC*************  
  
Please review!!!!!!!!! 


	3. Chapter three Broken soul

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Disclaimer: I know, I own no body, I just borrow the characters from the genius J.K. Rowling.  
  
"The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;  
  
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;  
  
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood,  
  
For nothing now can ever come to any good."  
  
(W. H. Auden, "Funeral blues")  
  
Chapter III Broken soul  
  
There, in the door stood Lily and Oliver.  
  
"Hermione," Oliver began to say, but was immediately stopped by Malfoy.  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"Malfoy, you goddamn asshole." Hermione whispered.  
  
Oliver ran towards Malfoy, he was furious and he wanted to kill Malfoy with his bare hands. He wanted to feel him die under his hands.  
  
He wanted him to die for what he had done to his family. For scaring his wife, for threating his daughter.  
  
This was the worst thing Oliver could do. Malfoy turned quickly around and with one move of his wand Oliver was knocked unconscious and hung about one feet or so in the air.  
  
"How could you.... find them?" Hermione managed to say.  
  
She wanted Malfoy´s full attention, so Oliver could recover a bit. She hoped he would recover at all.  
  
"Oh, that was really easy. They were on their way to the airport when I saw them. I knew he was your husband, for clever Weasel wrote in his timer  
  
"Hermione and Oliver with daughter"  
  
So I figured that you would be happy to see your husband a last time alive before I send you, him and your stupid little prat to the land of death."  
  
He smirked.  
  
Hermione was about to fall on her knees and beg him not to kill her family. But she knew, if she would do this, he would be happy and kill them in front of her.  
  
"Mommy,"  
  
Hermione´s heart stopped when she heard Lily's whisper.  
  
"Mommy, you're gonna protect us, won´t you?"  
  
Hermione saw the fear in her daughters eyes, but she saw also the trust, the trust in her Mommy that the would turn everything right.  
  
"Your Mommy isn´t going to protect you, little girl. Because your mother is weak. She is nothing comparable to me. She can´t protect you. You are alone, after I killed her."  
  
Malfoy got to his knees and looked at Lily.  
  
The confidence vanished from Lily's eyes.  
  
"My Mommy is an Auror, and you are not."  
  
Malfoy laughed. "Yeah, I know that your Mommy is an Auror, this is why I kill her. And even if I am not one, I´m more powerful than you Mommy ever will be."  
  
And with this words he kicked Hermione into the stomach and send her across the room where she crashed into to table.  
  
She laid unconscious, blood tripled from a cut on her forehead.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
When Hermione came back to her senses, she saw Malfoy kneeling in front of her daughter and talking to her. She couldn't understand what he was saying.  
  
She rose to her feet, and it took her a lot of strength to stand on her feet.  
  
"Malfoy," she hissed, get the hell away from my daughter."  
  
"My Lady is awake. Don´t worry, I just explained her that you can´t protect her anymore."  
  
He stepped aside, and Hermione saw a cut on Lily's forehead.  
  
"And now, Mudblood, watch."  
  
At this he pointed the wand at Oliver' s chest and his body flew about a feet above the ground.  
  
"Averda Kederva"  
  
Green light was everywhere, Hermione screamed, and Malfoy laughed.  
  
Oliver ´s body arched one last time before he fell limp on the floor. Hermione ran to the lifeless body of her husband.  
  
Knowing that he was dead, but not wanting it to be true. Tears flew down her cheeks uncontrolled.  
  
She sobbed and Malfoy laughed. He griped Lily ´s arm and with a loud "CRACK" broke it.  
  
Lily screamed in shock and pain.  
  
Her little face was filled with pain, and her eyes were wide open in shock.  
  
She hadn't realised that her daddy was dead, and now this man was hurting her.  
  
Malfoy pushed Lily away and took a step towards Hermione. He wrapped his arms around her throat, pointing the wand on Lily.  
  
Hermione could feel his breath on her neck. She heard his voice in her ear.  
  
"If you move or try to free yourself, then I will kill your daughter slowly and painfully."  
  
Hermione was too scared for Lily, so she nodded slowly.  
  
"Look, little girl. Do you see your precious Mommy? How helpless she is."  
  
Lily just looked at Malfoy. Pain and confusion written across her sweet face.  
  
Hermione didn´t dare to move, she didn´t wanted to give Malfoy a reason to hurt her daughter.  
  
So she just stood still and let her tears flow. She wanted to tell Lily how brave she was and how much her Mommy loved her.  
  
Even Malfoy seemed to be impressed that Lily didn´t scream.  
  
"So my brave girl," he finally broke the silence.  
  
"I am sure you want the pain to end. I will help you end it. Or lets say I will end it for you."  
  
And while he said this, he raised his wand and then he spoke two words, two words that made Hermione´s rest of world break, two words that made her lose the trust in life.  
  
Two words that killed her daughter, her husband, her friends and made her whole life turn into ash.  
  
Those words were  
  
"Averda Kederva"  
  
For the second time this day Hermione saw the green light flash out of Malfoy´s wand. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion.  
  
She saw her daughter get struck by the curse, the confused look on her face and then, her little body fell to the floor with a low "thum".  
  
"NOOOOO", Hermione screamed and collapsed in Malfoy arm. If he hadn't caught her, she would have fallen to the floor.  
  
"No, this is not true, it is all a bad dream and I am going to wake up."  
  
"I am afraid it is not." Malfoy said into her sobs.  
  
"They are dead and you are going to join them."  
  
He raised his wand again and pointed it at Hermione ´s chest.  
  
He looked into her eyes, he looked for fear. But the only thing he could see, was pain and tears. He remembered her eyes when they were at school.  
  
He had loved her eyes, there was light and sparkles in them. When she had smiled at him, what happened not often, it was like the sun was rising.  
  
But now they were without any shimmer.  
  
She held his gaze and he saw that she was broken inside. He had broken her, he had destroyed her soul.  
  
And now it didn´t mattered to her if she was dead or alive. She was already dead inside.  
  
He would just kill the body, for the soul was already dead.  
  
He opened his mouth to say the killing curse, but he was interrupted by a voice that came from behind.  
  
"Let the wand fall, Draco Malfoy."  
  
He turned around and was faced with almost the entire Aurors crew of the ministry of magic.  
  
****************TBC***************  
  
AN: Sorry this is a short one. But I thought it would be better to end it here and continue in a new chapter.  
  
Please review!!!!! 


	4. Chapter four Giving up fighting

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Dreaming comes so easily  
  
Cause it's all that I've known  
  
True love is a fairytale  
  
I'm damaged, so how would I know?  
  
I'm scared and I'm alone I'm shamed and I need for you to know  
  
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say  
  
And you can't take back what you've taken away  
  
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me  
  
I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say  
  
And you can't take back what you've taken away  
  
Cause I feel you, I feel you near me"  
  
("Damaged", by Plumb)  
  
Chapter IV Giving up fighting  
  
Hermiones POV  
  
Today I can´t even remember what happened after the Aurors came. I was too confused, too hurt to think clearly.  
  
The only thing I remember is Percy, he told me that everything was over now and I was safe. He lied, perhaps I was safe from Malfoy, but not from my thoughts.  
  
They still haunt me.  
  
Every night I see Oliver, hanging in the air and peaceful face when he was hit my Malfoys curse. And I hear my daughter scream, I see the pain in her sweet face.  
  
Every night in my dreams I see her. She just looks at me and in her eyes I can see the reproach and the questions.  
  
Why I wasn´t able to protect her, why I let him cause her pain, kill her and her daddy. I still don´t know the answers. I probably never will.  
  
I feel lost, and alone. Although Malfoy didn´t kill me, my life is over. Like Percy said, every is over.  
  
My life is empty, a black hole. Absorbing the light, but staying dark.  
  
When I stand in the sun, I can´t feel it on my skin, I just see it, but I still feel cold. Nothing can warm me.  
  
After the attack, I packed my bags and moved away. There was nothing worth to stay for. I moved to London. A big city, with a lot of people, so I would just be one of a lot.  
  
No one would notice that I was broken and damaged. I still am.  
  
Everyday I ask myself the same question. Why the hell do I live? What did I do to survive? Why didn´t Lily survive? Why not Oliver? Why the fuck did I have to survive and not Harry?  
  
He was the hero, not me. Why did Ginny die? She was a good girl, she was braver than me, so why did she had to die?  
  
And Ron, what about him? Sure, he had fought in the war, but he was just a normal guy. Lavender, she never had anything to do with the war. She had been in Africa during the "big war". But she was killed by a former soldier.  
  
For Voldemort it changed nothing if they were alive or not. But for me, it changed my entire world. I am nothing without them. They were my life, the persons that gave sense to my life. But they are dead now, and I am not.  
  
I miss them terrible, all of them. I wished I could have told them how much I loved them. How much they mean to me.  
  
I wished I could have seen Harry and Ron one last time. Just to make sure that they know how much I love them.  
  
Did they knew? Did they knew that they were one of the most important things in my life?  
  
And Lily, I remember the pain in her eyes. In her last moments she learned a truth that I didn´t wanted her to know until she was grown up. Her Mommy couldn't protect her from the world.  
  
I failed, I let her die, I let him kill my little daughter and I stood next to him, not being able to help her.  
  
Oliver was the only one who knew what I felt for him and it was the truth. When I said I loved him more than my life, I didn´t lie.  
  
But they are gone, and I am still here.  
  
All this is now almost three years ago.  
  
And nobody, except me knows what had happened to me. No one knows that I am empty inside. But I try to hide it.  
  
For everybody outside I am Felicitas Hewitt. I work in a bookshop and I am single.  
  
The fake ID I got from Percy, he is the only one who knows that I´m alive.  
  
He told the others I would have killed myself after the tragedy. He thinks with a faked ID life would be easier for me.  
  
The attack had been in the newspapers, the wizard world was shocked, but soon Fudge was able to make them believe that it was just an accident, just some crazy guys who wanted to play Death-Eaters.  
  
And it was bad luck for all those who were killed.  
  
He is a damn liar. Just Dumbledore and the Order know that it is not the truth. So they prepared for a last war.  
  
A last war to defeat Voldemort finally. Percy told her everything about the secret meetings, Dumbeldore thought that it would be a good chance, for three was a magical number. Perhaps it could useful.  
  
But a big part of the Order was shocked, for almost all of them new about the prophecy. Just one, Harry or Voldemort could live. And Harry Potter wasn´t alive.  
  
I don´t know if I have the strength to fight another fight against Voldemort and his fellows.  
  
I lost to much, I have nothing that gives me strength, nothing that is worth fighting for.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* four months later *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hermione was woken up by the annoying "RINGRINGRING" of her alarm clock. She hated that sound.  
  
It meant that it was another morning, another day with a shining sun in her grey world. A world that took no notice of her mood. Which was usually not that good.  
  
She was kind of depressed. But no one noticed. But how should they do? She was friendly to the people around her, smiled at customers and she was never late.  
  
So how should you notice that a young woman, is depressed when she doesn´t show it?  
  
Hermione stood up and made herself ready for work. She liked her work. It was an old bookshop, with shelves up to the ceiling, in the whole shop it smelled of old books and the air was a bit dusty.  
  
When the sun shined in, Hermione could see the little particles flying around like fairies.  
  
She also liked her employer. He was an old man with white messy hair. He told her stories about the time when he was young and his adventures in the muggle wars.  
  
When she got dressed she walked the few streets down to the shop. It was called "Middleearth" for Mr. Stamp was a admirer from Tolkien´s "The lord of the rings".  
  
So he named his bookshop like this enchanting world. Hermione liked the book as well, as much as she liked almost all books.  
  
"Morning Fee." Mr. Stamp called her always Fee. He had been in Germany for a long time, and her had explained to her that "Fee" means "fairy" in German.  
  
An Mr. Stamp ´s opinion was that she looked like one when she sat there between the books.  
  
"Morning, Mr. Stamp."  
  
"Fee, how often do I have to tell you to call me Willy, instead of that formal Mr. Stamp."  
  
"ok, Willy, it is just hard for me to remember it." Hermione smiled. She liked Willy very much.  
  
"So what do I have to do today?"  
  
"Oh, good that you ask. We got a few new books in here and you have to sort them. And after that I´d like you to do me a favour. But I´ll tell you as soon as you are finished with the books."  
  
"Okay, tell me just where they are."  
  
********************  
  
Hermione loved the smell of books. Books were her home since she had lost hers.  
  
"Willy," Hermione asked.  
  
"What?"  
  
"have you thought of my idea, I mean the one that you could buy old books from people and sell them? It would be good for the shop to have a few more things to sell."  
  
"Yeah, I thought about it, and I think it may be a good idea. If you don´t mind, you could write a little poster and put it on the door, so passing people can see it."  
  
Hermione groaned.  
  
"Ok, I´ll do it. But just because I want to keep the job. And if the shop is closed, I won´t."  
  
But Willy didn´t listen he was to occupied with sorting books and just looking at them.  
  
So when Hermione was done, she decided to make a break and take a little walk.  
  
When she was outside she breathed the cold air. She loved London. This city was almost perfect for her.  
  
A lot of people, and nothing that could remind her of Lily and Oliver. After three years she has learned to deal with the pain.  
  
But sometimes it still came out. And them she felt so lost.  
  
No, don´t think your sad thoughts again. You have to go on living.But is it right? If I just go on?You have too, you have to live, you are still young, so enjoy your life again. It won´t hurt you or Lily or Oliver.  
  
"Oh, sorry, Mme."  
  
Hermione felt a sharp pain and when she looked around, she saw that she had fallen on the ground. A man stand over her, stretching out a hand to help her up.  
  
With a hand she pulled her hair out of her face. She lifted her head and just wanted to take the hand. When the man dropped it and just stared at her.  
  
"Hermione?"  
  
She looked up. No one has called her like this since a long time. Not even Percy. He knew that it caused too much pain in her.  
  
"Is it really you, Hermione?"  
  
The voice of the man was husky and he seemed to be shaking.  
  
She looked closer at him. She knew this face. The hair had been brown with just a bit grey, now it was the opposite. Just a bit brown and much more grey.  
  
"Remus? Remus Lupin?"  
  
The man above her just nodded. Hermione believed to see a tear in the corner of his eyes.  
  
"Yes, it is me. I never thought I would see you again. I thought you were dead!"  
  
"In some way I probably am." She smiled sadly.  
  
"Hermione, what do you mean?"  
  
"Nothing special. I just mean that talking, in the middle of London about very serious subjects is never safe."  
  
"Oh sorry, I forgot." Remus helped her up. He looked at her confused.  
  
"May I ask you something?"  
  
"Ask," Hermione replied. She was curious what her former DADA teacher wanted to tell her. For he seemed very nervous.  
  
"Are you free now? I´d like to take you to the Order. To show them that you are alive would give a lot of them new strength. You know, in times like this, we need every bit of strength we can afford."  
  
"Err, I dunno," Hermione mumbled.  
  
"Everyone thinks I am dead."  
  
"That´s what would give them strength. A woman, fighting against Voldemort, although everyone thought you were dead.  
  
They would be amazed by your bravery and your will to live. You are fighting against Voldemort, aren´t you?"  
  
Remus asked after he had remarked the sad look in Hermiones eyes.  
  
"No, I don´t. I have lost too much. I am not strong like you thought. I just ran away. I don´t wanted to fight anymore. I simply can´t. I am not strong enough."  
  
Hermione´s voice sounded defeated.  
  
Remus could hear that she had given up. Given up fighting for a better world. The worse thing people could do.  
  
Lupin looked at her, shocked.  
  
"Hermione, please, come with me in my flat and we can talk. Please."  
  
She hesitated.  
  
"Uh, I dunno. I have to ask my boss. But you can come with me." She added, after seeing the expression on his face.  
  
They walked back to "Middle-Earth" in silence.  
  
*************************  
  
"Hey, Willy. Can I take the rest of the day free? Please, it´s urgent."  
  
"Okay, if you want to. I mean, you were never ill in the three years you work here, so I think of course. But if something is really wrong, I want you to tell me, okay?"  
  
"Okay Willy. Thanks."  
  
She quickly came out of the shop.  
  
"Remus, I´m free now. Where do you live?"  
  
*********TBC*************  
  
AN: Please tell me what you think about it. I would be really happy to hear it!!!!!  
Means: review, please!!!!!!!  
  
The ones who find a mistake may keep it ;o)))) 


	5. Chapter five Talks

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Time will say nothing; but I told you so,  
  
Time only knows the price we have to pay;  
  
If I could tell you I would let you know.  
  
If we should weep when clowns put on their show,  
  
If we should stumble when musicians play,  
  
Time will say nothing but I told you so.  
  
There are no fortunes to be told, although,  
  
Because I love you more than I can say,  
  
If I could tell you I would let you know.  
  
The winds must come from somewhere when they blow,  
  
There must be reasons why the leaves decay;  
  
Time will say nothing but I told you so.  
  
Perhaps the roses really want to grow,  
  
The vision seriously intends to stay;  
  
If I could tell you I would let you know.  
  
Suppose the lions all get up and go,  
  
And all the brooks and soldiers run away;  
  
Will Time say nothing but I told you so?  
  
If I could tell you I would let you know.  
  
(If I Could Tell You By WH Auden)  
  
Chapter V Talks  
  
Remus guided Hermione to his apartment. It was almost in the centre of London, in the eleventh floor.  
  
The weather was clear, so Hermione could see almost all of London.  
  
"You like the view, don´t you?" Remus asked her while making some tea.  
  
"yeah, I like place high above the ground. I don´t know why."  
  
She smiled thoughtfully.  
  
"Why did you wanted to talk to me?"  
  
"Hermione, please, take a seat."  
  
Lupin leaded her to a comfortable looking armchair.  
  
He seated himself in front of her.  
  
"Hermione," he hesitated.  
  
"I know that you have been through a lot."  
  
He paused and looked at her. She nodded slowly.  
  
"But, this is no reason to give up." Finally, it was out.  
  
Hermione raised her head and looked into Remus eyes.  
  
Slowly and with a very low voice she said:  
  
"For me it is a reason."  
  
"No, it isn´t. It would be a reason to stand up and fight more.  
  
To stand up and fight harder."  
  
Her face was blank of any expression.  
  
But to him it seemed like she was going to cry. But instead she continued.  
  
"I cannot. I am done, I have no strength to hold on fighting."  
  
"But you did. In your own way. You didn´t let it kill you. You hold on living and you started a new life. Hermione, I remember when you, Harry and  
  
Ron were in the third year. You three fought against the minister and the ministry of magic.  
  
You saved the life of my friend Sirius.  
  
You three, you risked your own life for him.  
  
And when you fought for the rights of the house elves, everyone laughed at you, but you did.  
  
You were sure you did the right thing, so you simply did it.  
  
Where is the brave girl I saw in the "big war"?  
  
Hermione, you can lead people. You can make them believe in themselves.  
  
Use this gift to defeat Voldemort.  
  
Where is she gone?  
  
I know that she is still inside you.  
  
Just waiting for you to be brave enough to let her out."  
  
Hermione just listened silent. When he had finished, he looked at her eagerly.  
  
But she just turned around, and looked out of the window for a long time and said nothing.  
  
Remus was clever enough to let her, she needed her time to think about what he had just said.  
  
After a couple of minutes she faced him again.  
  
"Remus, all the things we did are over. Most of them were useless."  
  
He wanted to say something. To tell her that she was wrong. But she shook her head. And continued speaking.  
  
" The girl that you are looking for is dead.  
  
She is gone, I am not even sure if she ever existed.  
  
Nothing I did mattered in the end.  
  
The house elves are still slaves and Sirius is dead, killed by a Death- Eater.  
  
Fudge is still the minister of magic and Voldemort is about to come back.  
  
Harry and Ron are both dead.  
  
If I ever did something brave and good in my life, then it was when I was with them.  
  
And they are gone now. Never going to be there again."  
  
She started to yell.  
  
"And you tell my, that everything I did was good, and made people believe?  
  
That I could lead them? You are so wrong.  
  
Where did I lead my husband? My little daughter?  
  
Tell her that her Mommy was brave. The only thing you can tell her is that her Mommy wasn´t able to protect her.  
  
Remus, Listen, I am an Auror and I couldn´t even protect my own family.  
  
How do you want me to lead people?  
  
I watched my own family die, and I was helpless. I did nothing to say them.  
  
Tell all of them that I did something useful in this war.  
  
The war is over and you know that. Why does everyone still fight?  
  
We´ll loose. That´s clear.  
  
And I hope, that then will it finally be over. The endless fighting and all the dying people.  
  
I can´t stand this anymore. I am tired of all this. I won´t fight."  
  
Her voice began to fade as she broke down in the armchair, sobbing.  
  
"Hermione, I am sure that this girl is still there. Harry, Ron, Oliver and even your daughter would want you to fight.  
  
They would want you to help making a better world. Remember that in the beginning you thought that Harry was the only one to make a Patronus.  
  
But in the "big war", then you could it too. Inside you is more strength than you believe.  
  
You are much stronger than you know. I am sure of that."  
  
He took the few steps to Hermiones armchair, where she laid sobbing.  
  
He watched her shaking form.  
  
"Hey, come on Hermione. I know you are strong. And I am sure that there are a lot of people who would be happy to see you again."  
  
She raised her head and looked at him.  
  
"Really sure?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
******************  
  
"Okay, Hermione, are you sure you are ready?"  
  
Remus Lupin stood in the middle of the living room, looking at her concerned.  
  
She just nodded firmly.  
  
"You know that you don´t have to do this."  
  
She smiled.  
  
"Remus, first you yell at me for not daring to face people who know who I am and now you are telling me that I don´t have to do it.  
  
That´s not logical at all. And by the way, I don´t want to risk it to make you angry."  
  
She smiled again.  
  
But it seemed to him like it was a faked smile.  
  
He nodded and went to the fireplace.  
  
He mumbled a spell and called inside.  
  
"Molly, would you be please come down for a minute. I need to show you something."  
  
He smiled encouraging.  
  
With a low "Wusch" Mrs. Weasley appeared in the fireplace. She stepped out into Lupins kitchen.  
  
"What´s the ma..." She never finished that sentence, for she saw Hermione.  
  
"uh, Hello Mrs. Weasley."  
  
"Are you for real? Are you really standing there in front of me or are you just a fata-morgana?"  
  
"No, I am not. I stand really here in front of you."  
  
"But...but...I thought you were dead."  
  
"We all did, Molly." Lupin laid a hand on Molly´s shoulder but she waved it away a walked towards Hermione.  
  
She hugged her tightly and sobbed into her shoulder.  
  
"Oh my God, thank to every single Godness, you are alive. I am so happy to see you again."  
  
Hermione was confused, it wasn´t at all what she had expected. She had expected reproaches, or silence, or something else. But definitely not this.  
  
When she saw Molly´s face, she was suddenly reminded of Ron and Ginny and Harry and all the wonderful summers they had spent together at the burrow.  
  
Tears flowed down her cheeks and she didn´t try to hold them back.  
  
She just wrapped her arms around Molly Weasley and cried. She felt all the pain she had hidden in those years come out.  
  
But it was okay. She was here with someone who loved them as well as she did.  
  
Hermione felt that it was ok to cry now. For here she was safe.  
  
Here she was with people who cared about her and so she et her emotions flow.  
  
***********  
  
After what seemed like an eternity to her Molly lighted her grip a bit and shoved Hermione about an arm away from her.  
  
Mrs. Weasley watched her closely the hands still remaining on Hermiones shoulders.  
  
"You have changed." She simply said.  
  
"Your hair is darker now, it seems almost black, and a bit shorter. And there´s something else that has changed."  
  
She watched her closely again and decided it were her eyes.  
  
"They have not the same shimmer they had when I saw you last time. But I think that´s normal. After what you have been through."  
  
She smiled at Hermione.  
  
"I haven´t thought that I could see you again. And let me say, I am very happy.  
  
But who the hell helped you to get a faked ID. I mean, it is obvious that you can´t have lived as Hermione Granger or Wood.  
  
Not in this times. So tell me who do I have to thank that you are still alive?"  
  
This time, Hermione smiled as well.  
  
"Percy. He helped me, gave me the ID, found an apartment in London for me and a job. And the most important thing is, that he told no one about my new life."  
  
"Oh, I remember, he was very busy after that....that...incident. But I thought it was his way to..... lets say deal with things. But how did Remus know? Did you contact him?"  
  
Hermione shook her head.  
  
"No, he bumped into me, today on the Oxford Street."  
  
"Ohh." Was all that Molly said.  
  
"Uh, well," said Lupin. "I have made some tea and I think we should continue our talk in the living room."  
  
****************  
  
The first minutes they sat there in silence. But then Hermione dared to speak.  
  
"Do you are mad at me?"  
  
She looked into Molly´s eyes and Molly could see that this question bothered the young woman since her arrival.  
  
"Not at all. Why should I?"  
  
"I survived, and two of your children got killed."  
  
Molly smiled very sadly.  
  
"I know, and it hurts like hell, but it makes me strong to know that you live."  
  
Hermione looked at her questioning.  
  
"Look, the thing is, I lost Charlie and Bill during the "big war". And then I thought it would be over.  
  
After the war I didn´t think I would lose another child to Voldemort.  
  
But I was wrong.  
  
I lost Ron and Ginny. And as well I lost Harry and I thought I would have lost you. It was almost unbearable for me.  
  
For you and Harry, you were like my own children to you. Remember,  
  
Arthur leaded you to the altar when you married Oliver. After you parents were dead, I felt even more that I had to take care of you than before.  
  
And I ever saw Lily as my granddaughter."  
  
Lily´s name made a single tear slid over Hermiones cheek. But she didn´t notice.  
  
"And then I thought you were dead, but now I got you back.  
  
And it seems like a miracle for me. It shows me, that I will never lose against Voldemort completely.  
  
That I have you back, means as much to me as if I would have Ron or Ginny or Charlie or Bill back.  
  
And that you are back, that you survived is a sign. A sign to me for hold on fighting.  
  
I wished I could say something to console you better.  
  
But I know nothing to ease the pain.  
  
But in some way almost everything makes sense in the end. Even if you cannot see it yet.  
  
I don´t really believe in God, but I am sure or at least  
  
I hope that there is something like a bigger "project" behind all this."  
  
She smiled at Hermione who had listened without taking her eyes of Molly.  
  
She cried, but she didn´t notice. She was too touched by what Molly had said.  
  
And suddenly, she was sure of something.  
  
*********************TBC******************  
  
AN: I know, it isn´t nice to stop just here, but I need to figure out what Hermione´s sure about. ;o) But I have an idea.... ;o)  
  
I am going to update soon, but tomorrow is Monday and my teachers probably won´t let me write during classes. ;o)  
  
It really matters to me what you think and I would be very happy if you would leave a little review for me.... Please? 


	6. Chapter six Dreams, ideas, lost ideals

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Chapter VI Dreams, ideas, lost ideals  
  
The more they love,  
  
the more they feel alone.  
  
Whatever view we hold,  
  
it must be shown  
  
Why every lover has a wish to make  
  
Some other kind of otherness his own:  
  
Perhaps, in fact, we are never alone.  
  
(Auden, "Alone")  
  
After Molly had gone, Hermione looked at Lupin.  
  
"I need to ask you something."  
  
"Then ask."  
  
"Take me to Grimmauld Place. I want to see the others again."  
  
He looked at her stunned.  
  
"Are you sure? Where does this sudden change come from?"  
  
She looked shyly at him,  
  
He grinned.  
  
"Why are you grinning? Where is the fun in it?"  
  
"You are right, there is no fun, I am just incredible happy to see that you opened your eyes. And that you are going to fight again."  
  
Hermione became earnest again.  
  
"I did not say I would fight again. I just want to see the others again.  
  
I want them to know that I am not dead. But I said nothing about fighting again."  
  
The grin on Lupins face vanished a bit, but he tried to hide it.  
  
"But, but, I thought Molly´s speech had awoken the will to fight in you! Why don´t you want  
  
to help us defeat Voldemort?" he looked questioning at her.  
  
She sighed.  
  
"Please, understand. Open your eyes. We cannot defeat Voldemort.  
  
And you know that as well as I do.  
  
No one really thinks we can. And those who think it are fools. I learned my lesson."  
  
"Hermione, why do you think that way?"  
  
"I saw what one of his fellows was able to do.  
  
Oliver said on the day he died,  
  
"Listen, I know you are a powerful witch, you know the curses,  
  
but you won´t use them, he will. Without hesitating."  
  
That is true, almost no one of the Order would use them if they wouldn´t need to.  
  
That´s the weak point. That´s why I think we can just lose this war."  
  
"You may be right what the curses mean, but you forget that almost all Death-Eaters are afraid of their Lord.  
  
If they would see that we are going to win, they would perhaps help us.  
  
We don´t use the curses for we don´t want to be like them. We want to make it better."  
  
Hermione just shook her head.  
  
"The only reason I want to Grimmauld Place is that I want to see them one last time, before I go away finally."  
  
"Does that mean, you really don´t want to help us?"  
  
"No."  
  
A strange expression came on his face. He seemed to be hurt.  
  
"Why?"  
  
His voice was husky and it seemed to her that he was really hurt.  
  
"Because I can´t. I saw so many people I loved die.  
  
After the "big war" only Oliver, Harry and Ron saved me from going crazy.  
  
Now they are dead, too. I cannot stand this.  
  
After Olivers and Lilys death, I broke. Look at me, what do you see? I am broken, something inside me will never be okay.  
  
Outside I may smile, but inside I cry. Every time I see a little girl about Lily´s age, I want to scream.  
  
I can´t sleep at night, I see their faces. Looking at me from hollow dead eyes.  
  
It kills me. I am dead inside there is nothing left to make me laugh. There is so much pain. I wished Malfoy would have killed me too, that morning three years ago.  
  
Then I wouldn´t have to hurt you by saying that I can´t go on."  
  
"Hermione, you know what you say is not completely true. There is something left inside you, you still live, you didn´t kill yourself.  
  
Instead you fought, against the pain. You already defeated the dark Lord and Malfoy.  
  
You can´t tell me that you have given up.  
  
Think of Molly, how much has she been through, but she still believes in the good. Please, Hermione, I beg you.  
  
Fight again, join the Order again. Even if it is just revenge that makes you fight."  
  
She seemed to think about what he had just said. But then she shook her head again.  
  
"No. And please don´t make me feel worse than I already do. Just take me to Grimauld Place and after that I will go away."  
  
He knew that he had lost, and he hated Voldemort for breaking Hermione and a lot of others.  
  
"Where do you want to go?"  
  
"I don´t know yet. But it doesn´t matter to me. Just far enough away from here."  
  
"Ok, then I think I should take you to the Order by tomorrow. Today I have no energy let to go there."  
  
With that he stood up and left Hermione in her armchair, thinking if she really did the right thing.  
  
*********************  
  
Hermiones POV  
  
I feel so lost.  
  
So alone.  
  
I don´t know what to do. Just minutes ago, I was absolutely sure what I had to do.  
  
I just wanted to see some people one last time, before I would finally go away.  
  
Perhaps to the states. Or new Zealand. Or Australia. Just somewhere far away, too far for my past to catch me.  
  
But now, after what Lupin had said, I am not sure about it anymore.  
  
Is it right when I just go and leave my friends to their faiths without helping them? Am I a coward for just wanting to go?  
  
Oh my God, it is their decision to fight or not to. So it is mine.  
  
If they want to get killed, okay, but I don´t.  
  
Is that really true?  
  
Is it my decision if I fight or not?  
  
Do I owe it Harry, Ron, Lavender, Ginny, Oliver and Lily to fight?  
  
I am afraid I do. I am the one who survived, as Molly said, nobody has an idea why.  
  
But perhaps it is sense behind all this.  
  
A creature who guides me, but why the hell don´t I know what to do?  
  
If I would fight, I would have probably see a lot of people that are important to me die, in a lost battle. So why should I fight?  
  
For helping to win this war.This war is already lost. I have heard the prophecy, Voldemort or Harry can live, and Harry is dead. So Voldemort has won.Don´t make it that easy. Who said: "You just really lose if you don´t fight."?It was Dumbledore.Dumbledore lives, he is the one the dark Lord ever feared. So there is hope left......Tomorrow, you will see all the faces of people who didn´t gave up. Kick yourself in the ass  
  
and help them defeating the bad.You can never really defeat the bad.No, that´s true, but you can make a better world or die trying.But I don´t want to die...Why?What has life for you? Your family is dead, your best friends, too. You have nothing left to  
  
lose. Use this freedom.Shut up. Let me sleep. Tomorrow I will go to see them one last time and then I´ll go.  
  
Nothing can change my decision.....Why did you come back?I don´t know.But I do.Then tell me.You missed it. You wanted to be reminded of the past. You are the lost daughter that wanted  
  
to be found.  
  
You wanted to see all this again.  
  
Although it was a war, you had so much fun in here.  
  
So many memories hang between the old carpets and stairs.  
  
Every noise and every smell wakes a memory inside you.  
  
A memory of a time when you were happy.  
  
And you want this feeling back.  
  
You want to feel again, something else than just pain.  
  
A sudden noise ripped Hermione out of her thoughts.  
  
It sounded like an "humpf"  
  
And then someone screamed her name. Loud and joyful.  
  
Hermione turned quickly around and then she smiled.  
  
Running towards here were Fred and George Weasley.  
  
"Oh my dear Lord God! If he exsits, that can´t be possible.  
  
Old girl Hermione. We thought that you are dead!!!"  
  
Both of them screamed in uniso.  
  
They hugged her tightly and she had trouble to breathe.  
  
They made so much noise that it was luck that Sirius mother didn´t hung there anymore,  
  
she would have screamed till the judging day.  
  
***************TBC********************  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah, I know, I own nobody. :o( Everyone belongs to J.K. Rowling  
  
AN: Please, it would make me really happy if you would review. It means soooooo much to  
  
me what you think!!!!  
  
And I hope I can update soon. But if our sports teacher lets us run another 2 000 meters, you  
  
can be sure that I´ll get lots of new ideas. 


	7. Chapter seven Back where I belong

AN: I´m sooooo sorry!!! That´s just another poof that I can´t get along with numbers.... my  
  
maths teacher would just smile and say it was typical for me. I am really, really sorry. But I  
  
hope you like this one....  
  
"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
I could leave when I might try  
  
I could run away  
  
But something inside drives me home  
  
I'm a hungry slave enslaved  
  
Strange how the wind blows  
  
And love you'll never know  
  
When did it come to you and me  
  
It was always meant to be  
  
So I say to you Perhaps this dreaming is real  
  
I give up, let fate decide  
  
Throw up my hands, enjoy the ride  
  
With you here right by my side  
  
Back where I belong  
  
Chapter VII Back where I belong  
  
"Hermione, how is this possible? I mean, you where dead!" George was absolutely stunned.  
  
Hermione just smiled, it felt good when someone was happy to see you again.  
  
"Fred, George, she just arrived, let her time, let her breahte."  
  
Molly Weasley shouted. She had come to look why the twins made that much noise.  
  
"Hermione, darling, nice to see you. Remus told me this morning that you would probably  
  
come today. But I didn´t expect you to be here that early."  
  
"I thought it would be better to come earlier..."  
  
Hermione wanted to continue, but Molly just cut her off,  
  
"I think you want a pancake. I just made some. Come, I´m sure you still know where the  
  
kitchen is."  
  
And Molly make her way downstairs.  
  
"Mum did know that you were alive? That´s unfair."  
  
Fred seemed to be really shocked. More about the fact that his mother knew and he not, than  
  
that Hermione had not been dead.  
  
"And don´t tell me you lived all the time under your real name..."  
  
George added quickly.  
  
"No, I didn´t. Percy gave me a faked idea."  
  
"No, tell me that you are kidding. OUR Mr. Perfect-I-know-everything-and- the-law-is-oho-  
  
so-important-Percy?"  
  
Hermione laughed but nodded.  
  
"Yeah, but..."  
  
But she was cut off again, this time by Fred.  
  
"So everyone knew, Lupin, Mom, Percy and some other people?" he made a face.  
  
"I don´t like the thought of that."  
  
"No one except for Percy knew. Lupin bumped into me yesterday and then he informed your  
  
Mum. After them you are the only ones who know."  
  
"Fred, George, bring Hermione and Remus down to the kitchen. And hurry, the pancakes are  
  
going to get cold."  
  
Mrs. Weasley screamed from downstairs.  
  
****************  
  
Down in the kitchen was Mrs. Weasley waiting for them. It smelled wonderful like pancakes  
  
and fresh coffee.  
  
"And I wondered why Mum made pancakes."  
  
George mumbled.  
  
But Mrs. Weasley overheard him.  
  
"Because Hermione is here. She is a guest so be nice."  
  
"Mum, why didn´t you told us that Hermione was going to come?"  
  
"Because I was not sure if she would."  
  
Mrs. Weasley smiled at Hermione.  
  
"But I am really glad you did. Fred, go and tell your father he shall come down."  
  
Fred made his way to the stairs, but his mother shouted after him  
  
"And don´t tell him who is wainting."  
  
She grinned widely.  
  
"he will be so happy to see you Hermione. He was completely off guard after he heard from  
  
your "death". It was hard for him, after he lost the others as well."  
  
Her face darkened by this memory.  
  
"But, that´s over. You are here and that is all that matters."  
  
Hermione felt bad when she saw Molly´s happy face.  
  
She knew that it would hurt her and the other to hear that she would not stay.  
  
The door opened and in came a really tired looking Arthur Weasley.  
  
He looked around and was even about to ask his wife why she wanted him to be up that early  
  
when he saw Hermione.  
  
No one said something when they saw how he looked at her. He couldn´t move, he just stared  
  
at her.  
  
When he finally spoke, his voice was husky and Hermione could hear and see, that the losses  
  
of this war had left their traces on him.  
  
He seemed much older than she remembered him.  
  
"Is....are....you.....do...I....I..mean..are...you..real?"  
  
She tired to smile and nodded.  
  
"Yeah, it is me. I am alive. You are not crazy."  
  
"Oh..my..God.." Was all he said for the next minutes.  
  
He carefully took a few steps towards her, slowly, like she would vanish if he moved too fast  
  
or came too near.  
  
When he stood in front of her, he raised his hand and touched her cheek.  
  
A single tear slid from the corner of his eyes.  
  
He understood that he wasn´t dreaming at all and so he hugged her tightly and whispered into  
  
her ear:  
  
"Hermione, I am so incredible happy that you are not dead."  
  
********************  
  
Hermiones POV  
  
I feel so bad.  
  
It hurts like hell, I know, if I say that I will go,that I won´t fight by their side, they won´t stop  
  
me, but it will hurt them. And I don´t want to hurt them.  
  
Arthur was so happy to see me again.  
  
It makes me really feel bad to go, but I know that I cannot stay.  
  
It will kill the rest of life and will to live that is inside me.  
  
And if you go? Do you think it will be easier if you go?I don´t know... But I have to try it.So you will try to go, but you will not try to stay and fight. That is not logical at all.So what do you think I should do?Stay, help them.Aha, I am saving our life by going far away from this war, and you.. you tell me to stay.You lie, when you say you go for saving our life, you just go because you don´t want to be hurt again.  
  
And I am not sure if that would help us.  
  
We would have to live with the thought that we left our friends and people who care alone.You know me so damn good.Easy, I am you  
  
***********************  
  
"Hermione, take a seat. You look so lost, standing in the middle of the kitchen and starring  
  
holes into the air."  
  
Mrs. Weasleys voice pushed her inner fight away.  
  
They sat at the table and were eating breakfast. Hermione almost forgot that it was war and  
  
she was never going to see those people again if she was going to leave.  
  
Hermione was listening to their stories.  
  
George for example was married to a muggleborn. And she was pregnant. He was very proud  
  
and could wait to become father.  
  
"Sorry George, but I have my problems to imagine you as a father."  
  
Hermione laughed.  
  
"That says almost everyone." Fred supported her.  
  
"Hunpf, I´ll be the greatest father a child could wish."  
  
"I do not want to know what this child is gonna do when it is at Hogwarts."  
  
Lupin said smiling.  
  
"Probably it will be worse than George and me together.  
  
I mean, which child has a father and an uncle who are having a fun-article shop?"  
  
Fred grinned at the thought what this child would bring Hogwarts into.  
  
"But, it will have another uncle who is going to be a good example."  
  
They turned around and saw Percy standing in the door.  
  
"Hey, Hermione, Oh my God. How did they found you?"  
  
Percy seemed really concerned. He thought if the good guys could find Hermione,  
  
the bad ones could have done it much earlier.  
  
"No, nothing to worry about, Lupin bumped into me yesterday."  
  
Hermione hugged Percy.  
  
"It feels good to see everyone again."  
  
"Oh, I wished I would bump into that nice ladies too. Remus, can´t you give me advice?"  
  
Fred asked grinning cheeky at Hermione.  
  
She just blushed and was happy that Tonks came in and right stopped at the door.  
  
"Hermione? No, that can´t be true!"  
  
"Tonks, Hermione heard that speech about ten times today and it is just 10.30 a.m.  
  
So please, just take a seat a be happy that she is here again."  
  
Fred said. He sounded a bit annoyed.  
  
But Hermione and Tonks both ignored him and hugged each other.  
  
"I sometimes believed to see you, but I was never sure." She smiled happily.  
  
*****************TBC**************  
  
AN: Sorry this is such a short one. The next one will be longer, I hope.  
  
Again I can just apologise for posting the wrong chapter. But I thank everyone who reviewed  
  
and told me. ;o)  
  
So, please hold on reviewing. It means so much for. ;o) 


	8. Chapter eight Fighting again

AN 2: Yeah!!! Fanfiction.net is running again!!! I finished this chapter Wednesday, but  
  
couldn't post it.......  
  
AN: I just watched "Armageddon", so be warned, it may be very pathetic ;o) But I just love  
  
this movie *smile* But here is the eight chapter: Enjoy!!! (and review, please!!!!!!!)  
  
"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
"This Lunar Beauty"  
  
By WH Auden  
  
This lunar beauty  
  
Has no history  
  
Is complete and early;  
  
If beauty later,  
  
Bear any feature  
  
It had a lover  
  
And is another.  
  
This like a dream  
  
Keeps other time,  
  
And daytime is  
  
The loss of this;  
  
For time is inches  
  
And the heart's changes  
  
Where ghost has haunted,  
  
Lost and wanted.  
  
But this was never  
  
A ghost's endeavour  
  
Nor, finished this,  
  
Was ghost at ease;  
  
And till it pass  
  
Love shall not near  
  
The sweetness here  
  
Nor sorrow take  
  
His endless look.  
  
( I know it doesn´t fit into the content, but I thought it was so beautiful, so I hope you liked as well as I do.  
  
And I didn´t find a song or a poem that would fit, but if you know one, then please mail me!!!!)  
  
Chapter VIII Fighting again  
  
Hermione would never admit, but it made her really happy, sitting here with them and talking.  
  
But her mind kept annoying her with questions.  
  
How would they react if you told them?Why do you want to go when you are happy here with them?Oh holy shit, in what a kin of mess are we now in?Oh shut the hell up. You wanted me to stay and help them, didn´t you?Yeah, I said you should help them, but I said nothing about suicide.me eitherBut you agreed to do that Malfoy-undercover-thingThat is not suicide, I just want him to be punished.  
  
And if I can help to make him pay for what he had done, then I will.Hermione, that will lead us into an amazing big mess. Believe me.You know what the problem is?tell meI do believe youFine, you know that you are really brave, don´t you?I wouldn´t call it brave. My mother once told me, that almost every mother would do  
  
everything to save her child.  
  
I failed, but I hope that I can at least safe other people from sharing my faith.  
  
*******************TBC******************  
  
AN: Thanks to all of you who reviewed!!!!!! It makes me soooooo incredible happy if you do  
  
that!!!!  
  
So please hold on reviewing!!!!!  
  
@ ILUVRONWEASLEY: Thank you so much for your reviews!! I love them, I need them, I  
  
wait for them every time I check my mails. ;o)  
  
No, our sweetie isn´t dead, as you would have noticed.  
  
At least not yet..... *evilgrin*  
  
I don´t plan to kill him in the next chapters. ;o) 


	9. Chapter nine Changes

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Chapter IX Changes  
  
Oh live goes on  
  
And it's only gonna make me strong  
  
Its a fact, once you get on board  
  
say good-bye cause you can't go back  
  
Oh it's a fight, and I really wanna get it right  
  
Where I'm at, is my life before me  
  
And this feelin'that  
  
I can't go back  
  
Life goes on  
  
Life goes on  
  
("Life goes on" By LeAnn Rimes)  
  
"Hermione," She turned around.  
  
"Are you sure that is was a good decision? I mean this whole Malfoy- Undercover-thing."  
  
It was Lupin who spoke.  
  
"Listen, I can´t understand where your problem is.  
  
I thought you wanted me to do something, fight again."  
  
He nodded,  
  
"Yeah, but you, he will recognise you if he sees you again."  
  
Fred had just come around the corner.  
  
To Hermione it seemed to be planned, their little talk.  
  
The next to come around was Molly, followed by Tonks.  
  
"I think we should change your exteriors a little bit."  
  
Tonks smiled. She was used to change her looks, so she would help changes Hermiones.  
  
"Uh, uh. I am not sure if this is a good idea."  
  
"Nonsense dear," Molly helped Tonks  
  
"It is just for your safety."  
  
"And what do you exactly want to change?"  
  
Hermione was sceptical.  
  
"We thought about your eyes,"  
  
Hermione froze, but Molly continued,  
  
"Your hair, of course,"  
  
Hermione disliked the idea more and more by every new proposition.  
  
"And,"  
  
Fred added with an enormous grin on his face, "  
  
The way you clothe."  
  
"And last but not least,"  
  
Lupin said,  
  
"We have to buy you a new wand and other stuff like this."  
  
"Oh my God, that is going to be harder than I thought it would."  
  
Hermione was not sure about their ideas, but she knew they were right.  
  
She could not work for the order by everyone thinking she was dead.  
  
She was a kind of a weapon.  
  
Dumbledore had wrote a short letter to her last evening.  
  
"Dear Hermione," he had written  
  
"You know that you must not tell anybody except some of the order who you are.  
  
You have to be a completely new person. That´s why I choose you for this job.  
  
You had already some practise.  
  
You are a weapon to us. You can help us to destroy Voldemort finally.  
  
You may not know how important your role in all this is, but sooner or later, you will know.  
  
Please be very careful, the Malfoys are more dangerous than you may know,  
  
although you already experienced what a Malfoy is capable of.  
  
And that was only the son...  
  
I don´t want to frighten you, although it may seem so.  
  
I just want to warn you.  
  
I doubt that I can visit you before you go, so I write this letter.  
  
After reading it, undo it as fast as you can.  
  
Good luck, is the only thing I can wish you.  
  
Dumbledore"  
  
"Okay,"  
  
Hermione sighed,  
  
"Then lets get on with this transforming number."  
  
Mrs. Weasley nodded and smiled at Hermione.  
  
**************** Two hours later ***************  
  
"Hermione,"  
  
Fred gasped when he entered the room,  
  
" You look like an absolutely other person. But let me tell you, you look fantastic."  
  
The Men had to leave the room, while Tonks and Mrs. Weasley were "working" on  
  
Hermione.  
  
Her former back long, brown hair, was now black, a bit shorter,  
  
about to the middle of her back and fell in soft waves down.  
  
Her eyes which had been brown, were now green. They looked like a cat ones.  
  
A dark green, but shimmering in the sunlight that flowed through the window of the living  
  
room.  
  
Her skin was a bit paler now, or seemed just so, by the effect that her dark hair had.  
  
She wore a very low cut jeans with a black tank that she borrowed from Tonks.  
  
It exposed a bit of her belly button, but not too much.  
  
Tonks had wanted to make her wear high heels, but Hermione refused.  
  
She had answered:  
  
"If I go to a ball, ok, but I will wear a pair of sneakers. By the way, they are more practical in a fight."  
  
Molly looked concerned,  
  
"I hope then, that you never have to decide what to wear in a fight."  
  
She was really worried about Hermione.  
  
"Okay, Hermione," Fred started to say something, but was cut of by Lupin.  
  
"Call her Felicitas or Fee. She needs to get more used to this name."  
  
"Okay, then I´ll call you Fee. But now, we have to go."  
  
Hermione looked questioning.  
  
"You remember?  
  
We wanted to go shopping?  
  
The one thing girls are really crazy about?  
  
Spending money? Know what I mean?"  
  
Fred grinned at her.  
  
"I know very well what you mean, but how shall I spend money when I have none?"  
  
Molly grinned.  
  
"The Order will pay. Until you get enough money in the wizard world.  
  
Dumbledore took your muggel money, for acting in the muggle world and exchanged it to our money.  
  
Clever, isn´t it?"  
  
Hermione nodded.  
  
"Okay, finished your talk? Then lets go."  
  
Fred took some floo powder and threw it into the fireplace.  
  
"we made it free for today." Lupin answered her unspoken question.  
  
"Diagon Alley." Fred said and disappeared.  
  
Hermione stepped into the now empty fire and after saying  
  
"Diagon Alley" too, she vanished with a smile on her face.  
  
Finally she would do some shopping again.  
  
******************TBC****************  
  
AN: Sorry this was such a short one, but tomorrow is friday, so I have no homework till the  
  
next day. Means: I can write a lot!!!!  
  
Hope you review to make my fantasy fly!!!!!  
  
Please review, I am soooooo happy about every review!!!!! 


	10. Chapter ten Sweet kiss

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
AN: Yuppie!!! This is the 10. Chapter!!!!!! *dancing happy in through the room*  
  
Chapter X Sweet Kiss  
  
I'm waiting there for you  
  
I'm waitiong there for you  
  
But there's nothing I can do  
  
But there's nothing I can do  
  
Did you see my face  
  
stuck in the crowd  
  
Could you see my cry  
  
when you turned away  
  
Did you see the tears  
  
rolling down my face  
  
Could you feel the pain and did you hear me scream  
  
Can you hear me scream  
  
Hear me scream  
  
I'm waiting there for you  
  
I'm waiting there for you  
  
But there's nothing I can do  
  
But there's nothing I can do  
  
("Waiting there for you" by Reamonn)  
  
Disclaimer: I sometimes forget it, but I still don´t own Harry Potter or any characters that are  
  
familiar to you. :o(  
  
"Felicitas, are you coming?"  
  
Fred called her when she stepped out of the fireplace into the leaky cauldron.  
  
Tom the bartender greeted Fred.  
  
"Hey, everything alright?"  
  
"Yeah, seems so."  
  
"Nice girl you brought with you. Girlfriend?"  
  
Fred blushed.  
  
"No. We have to go now, she is new in here and I´ll help her find and buy some stuff.  
  
See you later."  
  
Her griped Hermiones hand and guided she through the people outside of the leaky cauldron.  
  
"And, How does it feel? I mean being under wizards again?"  
  
"Ok, but not so different as I thought it would, but I guess that will change in Diagon Alley."  
  
She grinned.  
  
"After they walked through the big stone gate, Fred asked her:  
  
"Where do you want to go first? Clothes? Books?"  
  
He grinned,  
  
"Or perhaps to Olivander?"  
  
"Don´t know. First I think we should go to buy me a new wand. Want do you think?"  
  
Fred nodded.  
  
"I follow you where ever you will go Fee.  
  
What does that mean, anyway?"  
  
He glanced at her curious.  
  
"It means fairy in German."  
  
"Who gave this name to you?"  
  
"The man at the bookshop I worked.  
  
He had been in Germany during the muggle wars."  
  
"He was a clever man when he called you a fairy."  
  
"What do you mean by that?"  
  
But Fred didn´t answer, they reached Olivander and he opened the door and let her step  
  
through.  
  
**********************  
  
Inside it was dusty and reminded her of her first time here.  
  
She had been about eleven years old or younger.  
  
She had been so excited about all this wands and how Mr. Olivander found the right one for her.  
  
"Ah, welcome here, Mr. Weasley. I hope you shop is running well.  
  
My grandchildren speak so often about you items, they are really fascinated about them."  
  
Hermione was a bit surprised when she heard Mr. Olivanders voice directly behind her.  
  
"Everything is getting well, thanks for asking."  
  
Fred answered politely.  
  
"I brought you a new customer today. I met her at the muggel London, seeking for you."  
  
He said everything as they had planed.  
  
Fred would have to tell everyone that he just met her and didn´t know her at all.  
  
So, she would have nothing to do with the Order.  
  
Tonks had heard that Malfoy would be at Diagon Alley today,  
  
so Hermione had to meet him and try to get contact.  
  
After she had, Fred would leave her and she was on her own.  
  
Just in case she would get important information, she was allowed to send an owl.  
  
Mr. Olivanders question ripped her out of her thoughts.  
  
"Ms.....?"  
  
"Hewitt."  
  
Hermione hurried to say.  
  
She smiled.  
  
"Felicitas Hewitt."  
  
"Fine, Ms. Hewitt, then I will just take some measures."  
  
******** About an hour later or so **************  
  
"Fee, I am done. I am so tired."  
  
"Come on Fred. You didn´t do a thing.  
  
I was the one who tired everything and it was really hard work."  
  
Hermione and Fred had just left the shop for the wands.  
  
"Yeah, I know it was hard work for you. So what do you think of a coffee now?"  
  
"Perhaps a bit later, I wanted to buy a new book."  
  
"Oh, I forgot, you are still Hermione Granger, although you changed name and look,  
  
you are still the same bookworm."  
  
He teased her.  
  
"No. I am not. I just want to know something about the dark arts, in case I have to defend  
  
myself."  
  
"Fee," Fred had become serious, "I will help you where ever I can. If you need me, I  
  
will be there."  
  
He looked deep into her eyes.  
  
Hermione didn´t know what that meant, but she hoped it didn´t meant what she thought it  
  
could mean.  
  
"Uh, I think a coffee now would be great."  
  
"I thought you first wanted to look after your book?."  
  
But before she could answer, he added.  
  
"But why am I asking. If a beautiful woman like you asks me for a coffee,  
  
I won´t tell her something about books."  
  
She laughed.  
  
He took it as a good sign and gently tired to take her hand.  
  
But she quickly turned around and hoped for him not to notice that she didn´t want that.  
  
At least not today.  
  
************  
  
Hermiones POV  
  
~Oh my God, he tried to take my hand.... Does that mean?~  
  
~No idea.~  
  
~But you are the one who knows every time what to do.~  
  
~Forgotten, I am you? Just another part of you.~  
  
~This can´t be happening.~  
  
~Are you falling for him?~  
  
~WHAT?~  
  
~I mean if you are falling for him. I mean in love...~  
  
~I know what you mean.~  
  
~and, are you?~  
  
~no, or at least I don´t think so.~  
  
~I think he is falling for you.~  
  
~Nonsense,~  
  
~he tried to take you by the hand...~  
  
~ just friendship~  
  
~He held the door open for you...~  
  
~He is just polite...~  
  
~Hey, we talk about Fred Weasley. He is not polite to everyone.~  
  
~ok, maybe you are right, but just a little bit.~  
  
~I am completely right, and as every time if I am, you know that.~  
  
~And he thinks you are beautiful.~  
  
**********************************  
  
"Fee?"  
  
"Hmm? Sorry, I just thought a bit, and watched the people."  
  
Fred seemed to be worried about her.  
  
"You know that he surely coming soon. Tell me again who you are. Just for practice."  
  
~he worries about you...~  
  
~Shut up~  
  
"Your name?"  
  
"Felicitas Hewitt."  
  
"Good, place of birth?"  
  
"Scottland."  
  
"Where do you live at the moment?"  
  
"London."  
  
"Pureblood?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Which house at Hogwarts?"  
  
"Wasn´t in Hogwarts, my mother teached my, and then she sent me to a school in America."  
  
"Very good."  
  
Hermione smiled at him and looked into her coffee.  
  
"Fee,"  
  
Fred´s voice was very low.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
She looked up, to find his eyes not far away from hers.  
  
"You know that Malfoy can come every minute, and then I can´t talk to you anymore for a  
  
very long period of time."  
  
He seemed to be sad about this fact.  
  
~He will miss you.~  
  
~Please, be quiet.~  
  
~okay, but don´t do anything stupid.~  
  
Both of them new, that they had only a bit time left to spend with each other.  
  
So Fred decided to tell her, what he wanted to tell her, since she had come back.  
  
"Fee, I ....... I ...just.....wanted to tell you something."  
  
His voice faded as he saw her smile.  
  
Was it possible....? No, he didn´t dared to finish that thought.  
  
So he tried to contninue.  
  
"I...I... I think I am falling for you."  
  
Now, he had said it, it was out.  
  
His heart lay in front of her, it was her free will to step on it or to take it.  
  
She didn´t know what to say, so she just stared into his eyes.  
  
He bent forward a little. So their lips almost touched.  
  
He closed the last inches between them and pressed his lips gently on hers.  
  
She closed her eyes and gave into the kiss.  
  
He slowly opened his mouth with hers.  
  
And she had to admit that he was a real good kisser.  
  
When she pulled away and slowly opened her eyes, she saw someone walking towards the café.  
  
The one person, she waited for, but at the same time she wished him away as far as possible.  
  
"Draco Malfoy."  
  
She gasped.  
  
A bit breathless form the kiss, and the other bit was from seeing her worst enemy again.  
  
Fred was not very happy to hear this special name after their kiss, so he opened his eyes as  
  
well.  
  
He saw the look in Hermiones face and turned around.  
  
He was calmed, when he saw, why she had said his name. He walked towards them.  
  
He looked one last time at Hermione and mumbled a short  
  
"Good luck. I will wait for your return and any prove of life from you."  
  
He smiled sadly at her, knowing that he left her in an immense danger.  
  
But he could do nothing to protect her, he could just left and hope for the best.  
  
So he disapparated as quickly as he could.  
  
Now, Hermione was completely on her own.  
  
The mission had begun.  
  
*****************TBC***************  
  
AN: I made this whole Fred/ Hermione thing just to thickens the plot. ;o)  
  
I would be really happy if you reviewed!!!!!!!!!  
  
Please!!!!! Please??????  
  
It means so much to me.  
  
So I thank everyone who reviewed so far!!!!  
  
Especially ILUVRONWEASLEY!!!!!! The reviews are sooo nice, and I am so happy every  
  
time I get one.  
  
So please keep reviewing!!!!!!! 


	11. Chapter eleven Flirting with the enemy

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
I had to repost this chapter, something got wrong.  
  
First this was just one chapter, but it was parted into two. I don´t know how. Computers are still too complicated to me.  
  
Chapter XI Flirting with the enemy  
  
AN:  
  
Thanks to everyone who reviewed so far... I already got 10 reviews and it makes me really happy.  
  
*dancing around the computer*  
  
So, Please hold on reviewing.  
  
Beauty, midnight, vision dies:  
  
Let the winds of dawn that blow  
  
Softly round your dreaming head  
  
Such a day of sweetness show  
  
Eye and knocking heart may bless.  
  
Find the mortal world enough;  
  
Noons of dryness see you fed  
  
By the involuntary powers,  
  
Nights of insult let you pass  
  
Watched by every human love.  
  
("Lay your sleeping head, my love" by Auden)  
  
Hermiones POV  
  
~Thank god, Malfoy arrived.~  
  
~are you insane? You are happy that the murderer of you family arrived?~  
  
~No, just that someone came and I didn't had to tell Fred that I feel nothing for him except for friendship.~  
  
~But....but you kissed him!~  
  
~yeah, I know.....~  
  
~Why the hell did you do that if you are not in love with him? Or not even beginning to fall for him~  
  
~........~  
  
~hey, I asked you something.~  
  
~Don´t know. But now is definitely not the right time to talk about this.  
  
You better help me to get contact to Malfoy.~  
  
~ok, I am thinking....~  
  
~think faster, please~  
  
~can´t.~  
  
~try, or I walk towards him~  
  
~that's it.~  
  
~That's what? Walking towards him? Great plan.....~  
  
~no, I mean, yes. Bump into him. Look at his hands. He is drinking coffee.  
  
If you are lucky, it will work.~  
  
~What will work? ~  
  
~nothing, just go and bump into him. Go....~  
  
~.....~  
  
~you are still sitting here. Now the fuck go.~  
  
~Ok, but you are responsible if it goes wrong.~  
  
~okay, but then do it!~  
  
****************************  
  
"Okay, Hermione, calm down."  
  
Hermione tired to be calm., but it was very hard for her.  
  
She was tempted to kill him instantly of run away.  
  
But she did nothing of this. Instead she looked back, just a few meters away from him.  
  
She waved at someone who wasn't there.  
  
And then, she took a deep breath and a last step and then:  
  
~~~~~~ BUMP ~~~~~~~~  
  
She crashed into a solid chest, stumbled and fell to the ground.  
  
That wasn't exactly how she had planned it, but for real, she haunt plan a thing that next happened.  
  
"Fuck, "  
  
She muttered under her breath.  
  
For her bottom really hurt, the ground in Diagon Alley was everything but soft.  
  
She froze, when she heard a soft whisper at her ear.  
  
"Language, My Lady."  
  
This voice was so damn familiar.  
  
The last time she had heard those words, they were spoken cold and full of hate.  
  
But now, she didn't know that his voice could sound so soft, almost tenderly.  
  
~Girl, this is Draco Malfoy. He hurt you, whenever he could, he killed you family, so please, be realistic.~  
  
She forced herself to look up, just to meet for the second time today, a face, just inches away  
  
from hers.  
  
But this time she looked into very deep, grey-blue eyes in an almost angelic face.  
  
But Hermione knew, this was a fallen angel, a devil.  
  
She smiled shyly as she noticed that he got on his knees.  
  
He looked a bit worried.  
  
But when he saw that she already smiled again, he rose.  
  
He took her hand without asking and lifted her to her feet  
  
like she would weight less than a feather.  
  
"My Lady, I am awfully sorry. I wonder why I didn't see you,  
  
I mean, such a nice Lady I don't see all day."  
  
He grinned at her, but it was not the grin she was used to get from him,  
  
she was used to cold and cruel ones. But this was totally different.  
  
It was, kind of sexy.  
  
~Hermione, please, calm yourself, This is Malfoy, you are an agent, he is the enemy.  
  
Got that?~  
  
"If you find your language again, I would be happy to hear your name.  
  
But I have time, I suggest we could go in a nice café and there I wait till you find it.  
  
I mean, if you are not otherwise engaged."  
  
He pronounced the last word in a funny way so she let out a little laugh.  
  
"My name is Felicitas. Or Fee. And may I ask what yours is?"  
  
"Draco."  
  
Hermione wondered why he didn´t tell her his family name.  
  
She never thought a Malfoy would not mention his name.  
  
"Alright Draco. I am really sorry about bumping into you."  
  
"I am glad you did. So, what about the coffee, although you have already found your language again."  
  
She nodded.  
  
"Fine where do you want to go?"  
  
he asked her.  
  
"What about the "Leaky cauldron"?"  
  
She proposed.  
  
He made a grimace.  
  
"No, better not. I want to hear your lovely voice after you just found it."  
  
~Hermione, this guy is flirting with you.~  
  
~I noticed.~  
  
~That is not the point. You ENJOY it.~  
  
~no, I don´t.~  
  
~Of course you.~  
  
~I just try to get contact.~  
  
~But not the kind of contact that would be good for our mission.~  
  
"So what do you suggest?" She glanced at him.  
  
"I know a nice little café , not far away from here.  
  
To be exactly, it is in the London of the muggles. I hope you don´t mind."  
  
Hermione´s heart was about to stop.  
  
~Has he changed so much? I never thought Draco Malfoy would go into a muggle café.~  
  
~Perhaps he has to.~  
  
~why would he?~  
  
~Wizard world is no longer safe for him? Or no one would notice if he killed you?~  
  
~I now this is risky. But if I want the Order to win, to gain information for them, then I have to take this risk.  
  
And probably a lot others too.~  
  
"Okay,"  
  
"Then lets go."  
  
He took her hand, again without asking, and held it as he disapparated.  
  
His hand was warm, she had expected it to be cold like ice.  
  
She was almost sorry, when he took his hand away from hers.  
  
"There we are."  
  
They stood behind a little corner. From their place, Hermione could see a small café.  
  
He led her in.  
  
It was very nice, long blue curtains, small tables and everything was lighted by candles.  
  
He guided her to a little table next to a big window.  
  
From the window, Hermione could see the Thames.  
  
"Like it?"  
  
She simply nodded.  
  
He helped her into one of the chairs and seated himself across her.  
  
"Actually I don´t like muggle London, but there are some place that are really nice."  
  
She didn´t answer.  
  
"if you want to, I can show you some of them."  
  
"That would be nice from you."  
  
He looked into her eyes.  
  
"I am always nice to nice women."  
  
She raised a brow. "And what if I were ugly?"  
  
"You are not," he grinned at her.  
  
"So, if you are just nice to nice woman", she quoted him,  
  
"Then, I better leave."  
  
She stood up.  
  
But he quickly grabbed her wrist.  
  
"I didn´t say you were nice, and by the way, you were the one who told me that it would be nice from me to show you the town.  
  
I didn´t say I was nice to you."  
  
He grinned cheeky at her.  
  
She laughed and seated herself again.  
  
"Ok, you won."  
  
"Means you stay?"  
  
She nodded with a smile.  
  
~Hermione, this is going to end very bad if you go on acting like that.~  
  
But for the first time, since she had accepted the mission, she tried to ignore her inner voice.  
  
**************** TBC****************  
  
AN: Liked it? I hope so, but I would be very glad if you´d tell me what you think about it, via  
  
review or e-mail.  
  
And by the way while writing it,  
  
I heard "Let me try again" by Frank Sinatra.  
  
So don´t wonder if it is very, lets say "soapy". ;o)  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
This time I didn´t forget it.  
  
I don´t own Harry Potter or any character that is familiar to you. *sobbing in the corner* 


	12. Chapter tweelve Nightly thoughts

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Chapter XII Nightly thoughts  
  
Deliver me,  
  
out of my sadness.  
  
Deliver me, from all of the madness.  
  
Deliver me,  
  
courage to guide me.  
  
Deliver me, strength from inside me.  
  
All of my life I've been in hiding.  
  
Wishing there was someone just like you.  
  
Now that you're here,  
  
now that I've found you,  
  
I know that you're the one  
  
to pull me through.  
  
("Deliever me" by Sarah Brightman)  
  
Hermione didn't want Draco to bring her home. So she tried to hell him carefully.  
  
"This was a really nice afternoon."  
  
She began.  
  
He looked at her.  
  
"But I have to go now."  
  
"may I bring you home?"  
  
She could see in his eyes, that he hoped for a yes. And perhaps some things more.  
  
"No. Its very kind of you, but I rather apparate."  
  
"Are you sure? I mean London is not that safe at night."  
  
"I said I would apparate. I doubt that someone would harm me in this short period of time."  
  
She smiled, but her voice was strong and firm.  
  
He looked disappointed, but just for a second, then his normal face returned.  
  
"I have to accept this."  
  
He sighed.  
  
"But our meeting for tomorrow is clear?"  
  
"Do I have a possibility to refuse?"  
  
"No."  
  
She shrugged.  
  
"Where shall I pick you up?"  
  
She knew that he hoped to make her tell him where she lived.  
  
But she was not that stupid.  
  
"What about the "leaky cauldron"?"  
  
He made a face.  
  
"I better pick you up at Covent Garden. What do you think?  
  
I know it is a muggle sight, but it is close to what I want to show you."  
  
"Ok. What time?"  
  
"Let´s say, nine a.m. Or is it too early for you?"  
  
"No, it´s fine."  
  
"Good, but please don´t have breakfast before we meet."  
  
She looked questioning at him.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Surprise."  
  
She smiled.  
  
"Ok, Then I´ll better leave"  
  
He pretended to be hurt.  
  
"Because I didn´t tell you why?"  
  
"No, it is just late. And I want to go home. I have been up all day."  
  
"It is not late, I really would like to bring you home. But if you don´t want me to....."  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"Indeed I don´t want you to.  
  
And by the way, you would be disappointed,  
  
for I would not ask you to come into my flat for a coffee."  
  
"So that is how you see me? I am shocked."  
  
"No, you are not.  
  
See you tomorrow, Draco."  
  
And she went out of the café.  
  
He just sat there and watched her leaving.  
  
After she was gone for a long time.  
  
He murmured  
  
"Till tomorrow, Felicitas.  
  
I'll wait for you."  
  
********************************  
  
Hermiones POV  
  
~Did he change?~  
  
~No, he is still the Death-Eater who killed you family and friends.~  
  
~But he had been so nice.~  
  
~Just because he wanted to shag you.~  
  
~............~  
  
~I am sure is will not be there tomorrow.~  
  
~i don´t think you are right.~  
  
~Fuck.~  
  
~What? Why do you swear?~  
  
~You don´t even notice it.~  
  
~Notice what?~  
  
~You are falling for Draco Malfoy.~  
  
~No, I am not. I am just trying to gain information. And for this I have to get close to him.~  
  
~Think what you want, i tell you, you are just lying at youself.~  
  
Hermione walked through the streets of London.  
  
The night sky was deep blue with a lot of shimmering stars.  
  
She knew, this was a rare thing in a big city like this, such a wonderful night sky.  
  
She had lied to Draco when she told him she would apparate.  
  
She loved walking through London by night.  
  
Here she felt a kind of peace.  
  
She knew, that if she was at home now, she could not find sleep or rest.  
  
So she walked through the streets of London.  
  
Her mind was running.  
  
Thoughts and pictures of Draco and her in the café flew through her mind.  
  
She had had fun, even more fun than she had had with Fred.  
  
Although she would never admit, she looked forward to tomorrow.  
  
She somehow liked to play with the danger.  
  
She knew, he was like an animal.  
  
Or better, like his name, a dragon.  
  
She played with the fire.  
  
And she knew that very well.  
  
But it made her feel alive like nothing else.  
  
And it was dangerous.  
  
She did not fear for her life, she feared for the Order and all the members.  
  
People that were happy to be alive. Not so she.  
  
Dumbledore knew why she was the right one for this mission.  
  
She had lost everything, so she feared almost nothing.  
  
Malfoy would not scare her, so she was a challenge to him.  
  
And he would never give up, never.  
  
****************************** At the same time, not far away *******************  
  
Draco´s POV  
  
~Who is this girl?  
  
I just know her name, and she drives me crazy.  
  
I want to have her, all of her.  
  
The way her hair falls down on her shoulders.  
  
The way she moves, the way she smiles.  
  
She remembers me of someone, I just don´t know who.  
  
It cannot be someone from Hogwarts, I mean she was never there.  
  
Her eyes, I could vanish in them.  
  
I could get lost in her skin, it so pale, she seems like a fairy.  
  
And her name,  
  
Felicitas.  
  
It sounds like music in my ears.  
  
It fits, I looked it up, it means fairy in German. It is perfect for her.  
  
I can´t sleep, for every time I close my eyes, I see her beautiful face.  
  
And it makes my heart beat like mad.  
  
Perhaps she was the one to give my life sense.  
  
To escape my life, my father and my whole existents.  
  
Perhaps she is the one to guide me through all this.  
  
~Are you in love?~  
  
~NO, I Would never fall in love after just one meeting.~  
  
~But you sound like you would be in love.~  
  
~Never. I am a Malfoy.~  
  
~But you didn´t tell her your name.~  
  
~She didn´t tell me hers.~  
  
~A Malfoy ever mentions his name.~  
  
~Doesn´t matter. I see her tomorrow, I can tell her tomorrow.~  
  
********************* TBC*********************  
  
Liked it? I know, to much romantic stuff. But that´s how I am. Hopelessly romantic.  
  
Please tell me what you think about it!!!  
  
Thanks to everyone who reviewed so far!!!!!! I love you for reviewing!!!!!  
  
Important AN:  
  
I had to repost chapter XI for less than half of the real chapter was up!!! I don´t know how this could happen!!! I am really sorry!!!!  
  
And ~........~ means thoughts or self talking. ;o)  
  
In the lasts chapters it was not really clear, but Hermione discusses her situation very often with her inner self!!!! 


	13. Chapter thirteen Secret meetings

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Chapter XIII Secret meetings  
  
Looking up at the stars,  
  
I know quite well  
  
That, for all they care,  
  
I can go to hell,  
  
But on earth indifference is the least  
  
We have to dread from man or beast.  
  
("The more loving one" By W.H. Auden)  
  
(I simply love his poems!!!!!)  
  
Hermione woke up by the ringing of her alarm clock.  
  
She groaned. Today she would see Malfoy again.  
  
She was not that happy about this fact, at least not as happy as she seemed to be yesterday.  
  
She groaned again.  
  
But she didn't just turn around to continue sleeping like she'd like to, instead she stood up.  
  
After taking a shower, she stood in front of her dresser.  
  
~Fuck, I have nothing to wear.~  
  
~Stop, women just think they have nothing to wear before a date.~  
  
~You consider this a date?~  
  
~Yeah, what else would it be?~  
  
~This is part of the mission.~  
  
~Sitting in cafés, he will show you parts of London. This is definitely a date.~  
  
~So, please tell me, how the hell shall I gain information? Shall I go to him and ask him:  
  
"Hey, can you give me some info about Voldemort and all the other fucking Death-Eaters?"  
  
Really, this is a great Idea. I wonder why I this did not came to my mind.~  
  
~............~  
  
~Perhaps because this is suicide!!!~  
  
~And I thought you wouldn't fear death...~  
  
~you are right, I don't fear death, but I will do everything to help the Order, and dying now,  
  
would barely help them.~  
  
Hermione looked at her watch.  
  
"Fuck, I have to leave, I am going to be late."  
  
She grabbed a pair of dark blue jeans and a white spaghetti strap top with a butterfly printed on the front side and a jacket.  
  
She just slipped into her clothes and apparated to a little toilet in Covent Garden.  
  
******************** Same time, somewhere else **************  
  
~Oh fuck, What do muggles wear when they meet a beautiful woman?~  
  
Draco was really confused.  
  
~Hey, you are a Death-Eater, you killed a lot of people,  
  
but you do not know what to wear on a date?~  
  
~This is not a date! I just show her the city.~  
  
~This is definitely a date.~  
  
~No, it is not. And now, if you have not any good propositions for me to wear,  
  
then shut the hell up!~  
  
~You want her...~  
  
~I said shut the fuck up!~  
  
~Ok, then wear a pair of jeans or some stuff like this.  
  
I really don't know why you make such theatre if this is not a date.~  
  
~grrrrrrr~  
  
"Fuck, I am going to be late. And I wanted to check the place a bit out.  
  
Just because you are getting on my nerves."  
  
~you are getting on your nerves yourself.~  
  
~.......~  
  
Draco just quickly clothed and then he apparated to a special point where he would meet  
  
some "colleagues", meant Death-Eaters.  
  
It was close to the Covent Garden of the muggles.  
  
*********************  
  
"Mr. Malfoy junior,"  
  
The voice was cold and it almost made Draco shiver.  
  
"You are late."  
  
Another voice joined the first one.  
  
It was cold as well, but it didn´t make Draco shiver.  
  
He knew the second voice.  
  
It was the one of Professor Severus Snape.  
  
His former potions teacher at Hogwarts.  
  
"I am sorry, but I had some business to finish."  
  
He bowed into the direction of the first speaker.  
  
"So you have found a girl."  
  
Draco looked confused.  
  
"I saw you yesterday with a nice young lady in a café.  
  
She had black hair, green eyes.  
  
You surely remember her."  
  
Inside Snape froze.  
  
**************** Snape´s POV ****************  
  
~Shit, Hermione is in real danger if the dark Lord considers her as the right gift.  
  
I have to tell Dumbledore.~  
  
~NO, you won´t do this.~  
  
~I have to, this is too dangerous for her.~  
  
~Severus, think. She is a pretty girl.  
  
Haven´t you seen the look in Malfoys eyes, when he heard about her as gift?  
  
He is falling for her.  
  
If she plays her cards in a good way, he will protect her and if he would really love her, he  
  
would tell her everything.~  
  
~It would make him weak. She would be a joker, if she plays right, the war is won.~  
  
~But if you tell Dumbledore, he won´t let her be in danger, then the war is over, lost.~  
  
~But....~  
  
~No buts! She is clever, she will make the right decisions.~  
  
***************************************  
  
The talk between Voldemort and Draco had been finished while Snape had been thinking.  
  
"Severus!"  
  
The Dark Lord yelled and Snape hated to hear him yell.  
  
It sounded cruel and full of hatred.  
  
He almost feared his yelling, for he knew he just yelled before he used one of the curses.  
  
"I have to punish you for not listening. Crucio!"  
  
His voice had been low but dangerous.  
  
Snape felt the jolts of pain running through his entire body.  
  
But as suddenly as it began, it stopped.  
  
"Forgive me, master."  
  
He managed to gasp through the pain.  
  
"Ok. But now you will listen.  
  
Young Mr. Malfoy has found gift.  
  
He will bring her down here, in the next three weeks.  
  
Till then, he will make her ready."  
  
He grinned his cruel grin.  
  
Draco just nodded.  
  
"May I leave Master?"  
  
There was fear in his voice, Snape hopped that he already feared for Hermione.  
  
She was their only chance.  
  
"You may leave,"  
  
And Draco disapparated.  
  
"This," the Dark Lord mumbled, "Is going to be fun."  
  
*****************************  
  
AN: Sorry this was not so long. I hope I managed to make the next one longer!!!!  
  
But however, I would be very glad if you reviewed!!!!! Please!!!! Please???  
  
It means so much to me and I thank all those one who reviewed so far.  
  
So please hold on reviewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I sometime forget it, but I own nobody.  
  
Please, tomorrow is my birthday, can´t I have Draco or Oliver as present?  
  
I also would take Ron..... ;o)  
  
But no, J.K. Rowling doesn´t want to give them to me. WHY??? *Sobbing* 


	14. Chapter fourteen Late breakfast

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Chapter XIV Late breakfast  
  
"Fields Of Gold" By Sting  
  
You'll remember me when the west wind moves  
  
Upon the fields of barley  
  
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky  
  
As we walk in the fields of gold  
  
So she took her love  
  
For to gaze awhile  
  
Upon the fields of barley  
  
In his arms she fell as her hair came down  
  
Among the fields of gold  
  
When Hermione stepped out of the toilet, she there was now Draco.  
  
She turned around, looked over the place, but still she could not see him.  
  
~Fuck, what if he is not going to come?~  
  
~Would you miss him?~  
  
~Hell no!!! It would just mean that I failed my mission.~  
  
Suddenly, her eyes were covered by two hands.  
  
They were soft and smelled a bit like peppermint.  
  
Hermione heard a voice near her ear.  
  
"Morning, My Lady."  
  
She shivered, feeling his breath so close to her neck.  
  
She put her hands upon his and slowly turned around.  
  
His hands wandered down until they stopped at her waist.  
  
"Draco,"  
  
She pretended to be sulky.  
  
"You are late. It is ten past nine."  
  
But then she smiled.  
  
"I am incredible sorry My Lady, how can I repay?"  
  
"I don´t know, make a proposition."  
  
"What about a nice breakfast My Lady?"  
  
"Great idea, I am starving. But please stop calling me Lady."  
  
"Okay, My Lady."  
  
He grinned at her.  
  
"Then lets go."  
  
He took her hand and guided her quickly through the little streets all around Covent Garden  
  
Finally they reached a little house with a bright green door.  
  
Draco took out a key and opened the door.  
  
"After you, My Lady."  
  
Hermione looked at him and then she stepped into the darkness.  
  
He closed the door after them, and murmured  
  
"Lumos"  
  
Hermione could see steps, leading in the darkness.  
  
"Follow me."  
  
He went upstairs.  
  
"And now, please, close your eyes."  
  
She did as he told her.  
  
He took her hand and suddenly there was light everywhere.  
  
"Keep your eyes close."  
  
They took a few more steps.  
  
Until she heard Dracos voice.  
  
"You can open them again."  
  
As she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw, was his face, directly in front of hers.  
  
Then he moved and Hermiones breath stopped.  
  
They seemed to be above London.  
  
"How.... how is this possible?"  
  
He just shook is head and smiled.  
  
"Doesn´t matter. Just enjoy it."  
  
And she did.  
  
They were high in the air, it was a round room with windows on every side that were immense.  
  
The morning sun came in and gave everything a golden shimmer.  
  
The sky was bright blue and Hermione noticed that the ceiling was made of glass.  
  
The sight was very clear and Hermione could see St. Pauls, Big Ben and all the other things.  
  
"This is wonderful."  
  
She looked at Draco who didn´t pay attention to the sight, he just watched her face.  
  
She immediately felt uncomfortable, knowing that he had been watching her.  
  
He grinned, and asked:  
  
"I thought you were hungry."  
  
"I am, but as a Lady, I don´t demand things."  
  
She looked at him teasingly.  
  
"Sometimes it is better to demand things than not to get them."  
  
He grabbed her hand and led her towards a table which stand at one of the windows.  
  
***************************  
  
AN: Sorry this was such a short one, but my PC is making strange noise, and collapsed three times this day.  
  
I had written a bit more, but the PC destroyed it! *sobbing*  
  
But I will rewrite it tomorrow!!!!  
  
*promise*  
  
However, I beg you: Please review!!!! Tell me what you think!!! Please!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nobody. :o( 


	15. Chapter fiveteen Almost a kiss

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Chapter XV Almost a kiss  
  
Some say that love's a little boy  
  
And some say it's a bird,  
  
Some say it makes the world go round,  
  
And some say that's absurd,  
  
And when I asked the man next-door,  
  
Who looked as if he knew,  
  
His wife got very cross indeed,  
  
And said it wouldn't do.  
  
("Oh tell me the truth about love" by Auden)  
  
After having breakfast, they just sat together and talked.  
  
"Why haven't you been in Hogwarts?"  
  
He seemed to be really interested in her.  
  
Hermione had to be very careful with her answers.  
  
Her worst fear was to tell too many lies and after she would not know what she had said.  
  
"My mother didn´t want me to go.  
  
She thought it would be better if she or a private teacher would teach me."  
  
"That´s a pity. I would have know you earlier."  
  
He grinned.  
  
"Do you like Quidditch?"  
  
Hermione smiled.  
  
She couldn´t fly on a broom, but being married to a Quidditch player and best friends as  
  
Quidditch fans, she knew a lot about it.  
  
But the thought of Quidditch made her sad.  
  
It remembered her of Oliver.  
  
~here you sit, having fun with the murderer of your daughter and husband. This is not right.~  
  
~I have to do this for the Order.~  
  
~The mission is to gain information. Not to flirt with him!~  
  
~But that is the safest way.~  
  
~.......~  
  
~But please be very careful. Although he didn´t tell you that he is a Malfoy, he still is.  
  
And Malfoy means danger to you.~  
  
"Hey, Fee, earth to Fee. Where are you?"  
  
"Oh, sorry, I did not listen."  
  
She smiled weakly.  
  
"I noticed."  
  
He pretended to be hurt.  
  
But then he looked at her teasingly.  
  
"You have eaten too much. You need a little walk. Come on."  
  
He stood up and reached for her hand.  
  
"Now? I am tired, and as you said, I have eaten too much."  
  
She looked pleadingly up at him.  
  
"Show mercy."  
  
"No, I don´t show mercy, and don´t try to make a puppy face. Won´t work."  
  
He raised her up, his sudden movement made her lose balance.  
  
So she crashed almost to the floor, but he held her tightly around her upper arms.  
  
Her face was on the level of his chest, her hand placed upon his shoulders,  
  
looking for balance.  
  
She could smell his male scent.  
  
~Fuck, he smells good.~  
  
~No, You have not thought that!!!~  
  
~But he does.~  
  
~Maybe, but he is DRACO MALFOY!!! Forgotten?~  
  
~No, what a pity.~  
  
"Hey, everything ok down there?"  
  
His voice was soft and it even sounded a bit concerned.  
  
~I have never known that his voice could sound like this. Like he would care for me.~  
  
~Uhmmm, I don´t want to interrupt your romantic thoughts,  
  
but you are on a mission, this is not a real date as you said.~  
  
He carefully lifted her up, until their faces were on the same level.  
  
He bent his head down, it was just a little movement,  
  
but in Hermione´s head, it started alarm signals.  
  
~Fuck, he is going to kiss me.~  
  
~Fuck, he is going to kiss you.~  
  
~At least one time were are in the same opinion.~  
  
~Hey, it is my job to tell you what you are doing wrong and help you to think clear.~  
  
~First of all, you don´t help me to think clear,  
  
and secondly this is surely not the right place or time to discuss things like that.~  
  
~YOU were the one who started it.~  
  
~Grr. Shut up, or help me!~  
  
~Try to avoid it somehow.~  
  
~Thanks, I was that far too. But how the hell?~  
  
~don´t yell at me!~  
  
~grrr~  
  
His face was now damn close to hers.  
  
But before his lips could meet hers, she shifted her position a bit and turned quickly away.  
  
"I am so sorry. I am really stupid.  
  
I can´t even stand up without almost falling.  
  
What a luck that you caught me."  
  
She smiled at him.  
  
"Yeah,"  
  
Hermione meant to see disappointment in his eyes.  
  
But for the moment she was really happy that the moment was gone.  
  
"Then, lets go."  
  
He took her hand again and led her out of the door.  
  
***************************  
  
"I can´t anymore. I am tired."  
  
Hermione collapsed on a bank in St. James Park.  
  
"Me too."  
  
Draco managed to answer, he was breathing hard.  
  
He collapsed next to her.  
  
"You are good. I never thought a girl could run this fast."  
  
He glanced at her.  
  
~Oh my God, why did I agree to run through St. James Park with Draco?~  
  
~You don´t want to hear my answer.~  
  
~Right, I don´t. It was just a rhetorical question.~  
  
"Felicitas,"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"What about a Hot Dog?"  
  
Hermione smiled.  
  
"Great idea. Are you going to get one?  
  
I can´t stand, I just want to sit here and relax."  
  
She sighed.  
  
They sat on a bank at the lake.  
  
Hermione watched the swans swimming and the ducks diving.  
  
"Wait a minute."  
  
Draco disappeared behind a tree.  
  
About two minutes later or so he sat next to her again.  
  
He held two Hot Dogs in his hands.  
  
"Where did you get them that fast?"  
  
"Forgotten what I am?"  
  
He grinned from ear to ear.  
  
"It is really useful to be a wizard if a Lady next to you is hungry  
  
and to lame to get something by herself.  
  
Although she is a witch."  
  
He grinned at her while handing the Hot Dog to her.  
  
She took a bite.  
  
"Delicious"  
  
she said through a mouthful.  
  
"I know. I am good in making food."  
  
"With a spell or can you cook?"  
  
"I, My Lady can cook *and* hex food."  
  
"Shall I believe you?"  
  
She frowned.  
  
"Of course, a Lady believes every time what a gentleman says to her."  
  
"That, my dear Draco, would mean you consider you a gentleman."  
  
~She called me my dear Draco.~  
  
~You are a Malfoy. You don´t fall that fast for a girl.  
  
No Malfoy does.  
  
By the way, you haven´t told her yet that you are one.~  
  
~Shut up. I will tell her early enough.~  
  
"Do you think I am not?"  
  
She owed him the answer.  
  
She just grinned at him.  
  
"I see, you don´t believe me."  
  
He pouted.  
  
~Fuck, he looks cute when he pouts.~  
  
~Hermione, back to reality, please.~  
  
~He does, no matter if he is a Malfoy of not.~  
  
~Means it doesn´t matter to you if he is a Malfoy or not?  
  
You just flirt with him?~  
  
~Hell no! It means just that he looks cute when he pouts, no more and not less.  
  
And by the way, I am not really flirting with him.~  
  
~You are.~  
  
~Please shut up if you do nothing else than blaming me.~  
  
"What about a diner?"  
  
"Now?"  
  
Hermione looked so shocked that Draco had to laugh.  
  
~It sounds nice when he does it.~  
  
~Tsss~  
  
"No, not now. I mean tomorrow.  
  
I haven´t show you all special sights of London.  
  
So we could continue that little tour tomorrow and afterwards I´ll take you out for diner."  
  
He looked at her expectantly.  
  
She pretended to be thinking.  
  
"I have that guide about London."  
  
"Are you telling me, that you prefer a book over me?"  
  
"I don´t know."  
  
"Please, don´t tell me that!"  
  
He made a hurt face.  
  
She laughed at the sight of it.  
  
~it sounds nice when she laughs. I would give everything to make her laugh more often.~  
  
"Ok, I prefer you. Better?"  
  
"Much better."  
  
**************************  
  
They walked slowly through the park.  
  
Under a tree that was not easily seen, they stopped.  
  
"I guess I can apparate her safely."  
  
Hermione said.  
  
Draco nodded.  
  
"Then, where do we meet tomorrow? And when?"  
  
"A bit later than today.  
  
I am so tired, I don´t know if I can stand up early tomorrow."  
  
Hermione smiled.  
  
~For him you would stand up in the middle of the night.~  
  
~I said you should shut up. And it is not true.~  
  
"Okay, what about 10 a.m.?"  
  
Hermione nodded.  
  
"Okay, then see you tomorrow.  
  
Night Draco."  
  
~I love the way she says my name.~  
  
"Bye Felicitas.  
  
Sleep well.  
  
Dream of me."  
  
But his last words she did not hear.  
  
She already had disapparated and left him alone in the night.  
  
******************* TBC******************  
  
AN: So, what do you think?  
  
I hoped you liked this chapter. Please tell me!!!  
  
I need your reviews, they are really good for my ego!!!! ;o)  
  
I love reviews, I live for them!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one. I already know, and I guess you know as well as I do. 


	16. Chapter sixteen Information about a Mal...

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Installment Plan  
  
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man.  
  
("The unkown citizen" by Auden) (you see, I really love Auden ;o) )  
  
Chapter XVI Information about a Malfoy  
  
*************** Grimmauld place ****************  
  
" Professor Snape, we both know that we don't like each other very much,  
  
but I have to know how Hermione is.  
  
Have you heard something about her?"  
  
It took Fred a lot of strength to ask his former Professor.  
  
He had to remind himself that he just did it for Hermione.  
  
Snape looked at him questioning.  
  
He was wondering why the hell Fred talked to him.  
  
Normally he avoided him.  
  
Perhaps something that Molly had mentioned while talking to Lupin had been true,  
  
Fred had a thing for Hermione.  
  
He grinned inside.  
  
"How, Mr. Weasley comes it to your mind that I should now something about Ms. Granger?"  
  
"Uh, I mean you work as a spy too.  
  
And you have something to do with the Malfoys, I guess."  
  
Snape frowned.  
  
"As far as I know,"  
  
he lowered his voice,  
  
"Mr. Malfoy is very eager to get closer to Ms. Granger."  
  
He saw that Fred became a bit paler.  
  
He continued.  
  
"If Mr. Malfoy wants something, he normally gets it."  
  
His voice was now very low.  
  
"And, let me assure you Mr. Weasley, if Malfoy wants something from a person,  
  
he can be very kind.  
  
Not as nasty as you may know him."  
  
Fred's freckles became a hard contrast to his now almost white skin.  
  
"What,"  
  
his voice was husky,  
  
"do you mean?"  
  
"Oh, you know exactly what I mean."  
  
He let his words take their full effect on Fred before he continued.  
  
His voice sounded now normal and very formally.  
  
"Fact is, that what I have heard, he is very kind and shows her the city.  
  
For he thinks that Ms. Granger is new in London.  
  
I know nothing more, but I am sure Ms. Granger will inform us if anything important  
  
happens."  
  
He turned around, ready to leave.  
  
"Wait. What did you mean by saying that he may not be as nasty as I know him?"  
  
"That,"  
  
Snape took a breath,  
  
" that means, that he may be a completely new person to Ms. Granger.  
  
He does not know who she is. So he has no reason to be mean or cruel."  
  
"But...but I thought a Malfoy would always be cruel."  
  
Snape sighed.  
  
"Wrong, Mr. Weasley.  
  
Let me explain it to you.  
  
If Malfoy has no reason, he is not cruel.  
  
For he knows that a person could perhaps help him or be useful.  
  
No matter how."  
  
Fred wanted to say something, but Snape cut him off.  
  
"I know what you want to say, why the hell he was cruel to you and your brothers.  
  
That's easy.  
  
You were in his eyes nothing worth.  
  
You could never help him, so he had no reason to be nice.  
  
In his eyes, you are the absolutely scum.  
  
He thinks Ms. Granger is a pureblood and she is a very nice woman in his eyes.  
  
So he is nice, he has a reason."  
  
Fred nodded slowly.  
  
"Got that so far?"  
  
"Yeah,"  
  
"Fine, then I would be very thankful,"  
  
Snapes voice was full of irony,  
  
" if you let me back to work."  
  
He didn't wait for Fred to answer, he just disapparated.  
  
Fred was left alone with his thoughts.  
  
************ TBC ******************  
  
AN: I just thought this one was necessary to understand a bit of Malfoys intentions.  
  
Of course not all of them.....  
  
There are a lot more things I will put into the plot in the next chapters!!!!  
  
I hope you review!!!!!  
  
Please!!!  
  
Your reviews mean so much to me!!!!  
  
I thank all those who have reviewed so far!!!!!  
  
I luv ya!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
Yeah, I know, I own nobody, and everyone else knows it too,  
  
so why do I have to write a disclaimer?  
  
~Just for safety, so nobody can say you haven´t warned them that Harry Potter is owned by  
  
J.K. Rowling~ :o( 


	17. Chapter seventeen A kiss and the confus...

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Chapter XVII A kiss and the confusion that follows  
  
"If I Ever Lose My Faith In You"  
  
You could say I lost my faith in science and progress  
  
You could say I lost my belief in the holy church  
  
You could say I lost my sense of direction  
  
You could say all of this and worse  
  
but If I ever lose my faith in you  
  
There'd be nothing left for me to do  
  
Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world  
  
You could say I lost my faith in the people on TV  
  
You could say I'd lost my belief in our politicians  
  
They all seemed like game show hosts to me  
  
If I ever lose my faith in you  
  
There'd be nothing left for me to do  
  
I could be lost inside their lies without a trace  
  
But every time I close my eyes I see your face  
  
I never saw no miracle of science  
  
That didn't go from a blessing to a curse  
  
I never saw no military solution  
  
That didn't always end up as something worse  
  
but Let me say this first  
  
If I ever lose my faith in you  
  
There'd be nothing left for me to do  
  
("If I ever loose my faith in you" By Sting) ( I love this song!!!!!)  
  
Today, Hermione was prepared when two strong hands were laid on her waist  
  
and a soft whisper near her ear.  
  
"Dreamed of me?"  
  
She turned around smilingly.  
  
"I won´t tell you.  
  
Don´t you know that some dreams come true when you don´t talk about them?"  
  
He buried his face in her neck.  
  
"Perhaps I can help to realise some dreams of yours."  
  
He nuzzled against her skin.  
  
"Draco, please."  
  
She tried to push him away, but he held his firm grip on her waist.  
  
"Please what?"  
  
He teased.  
  
"Please let go of me."  
  
"Tell me why."  
  
He softly demanded.  
  
"You do not want to know why."  
  
"You can´t tell me, for you see no reason either."  
  
He began gently sucking on her skin.  
  
That made Hermione finally pull away.  
  
He looked at her disappointed.  
  
"What do you want to show me today?"  
  
Hermione tried to ignore his look and pretended that nothing had just happened.  
  
~But that´s not true.~  
  
~Hey, I pulled away. So please be quiet.~  
  
~The point is, that you enjoyed it.~  
  
~Why do you think I was enjoying this?~  
  
~Have you forgotten that I am you? I feel it.  
  
And it is my job to inform you that what you are doing is not right.~  
  
~Stop annoying me.  
  
I know what you think about this mission, so please don´t get on my nerves.~  
  
He took new guts by her words and leaned closer again.  
  
"There are a lot of things that I could and want to show you, but,"  
  
and he pulled away,  
  
"We start with something special."  
  
He took her hand, and Hermione noticed that she didn´t mind it anymore.  
  
~I..~  
  
~Shut up! I know what you want to say, so be the hell quiet!!!~  
  
***********************************  
  
Draco showed her a lot of funny things in London she had not seen before.  
  
Like a speaking stature at the museum that helped you in school or  
  
A ghost in the south wall of the houses of parliament that told funny anecdotes about the  
  
members.  
  
A wizard photo automate, that made moving pictures.  
  
Hermione and Draco spend quite a long time in that little cabin making funny photos.  
  
It was not very good for the mood of Hermiones inner voice.  
  
The day passed very quickly.  
  
"You allowed me,"  
  
he pronounced "allowed" very much,  
  
" to take you out for diner tonight."  
  
Draco wrapped his arms around Hermione from behind.  
  
"I know a nice little wizard restaurant. Not very far from here. Okay?"  
  
She shuddered at the feeling of his breathing so close to her ear.  
  
She carefully turned around and nodded.  
  
Draco grabbed her tighter and apparated with her in his arms to the restaurant.  
  
*****************************  
  
"A table for two, please."  
  
Draco said to the waiter who seemed to be waiting for him.  
  
He led Draco and Hermione to a little table on a window, behind a veil.  
  
It was not seen from the restaurant room.  
  
Draco helped Hermione into her chair and after they had ordered the waiter left.  
  
"So, do you like it?"  
  
Draco looked at her expectantly.  
  
"Yes, it is wonderful. So quiet."  
  
There were two candles in a beautiful silver holder.  
  
And a vase with a single rose in it.  
  
~This is so goddamn romantic....~  
  
~Yeah it is..~  
  
~You are agreeing?~  
  
~I haven´t finished. But you are here with Draco Malfoy, this is not right.  
  
And you know that!~  
  
~Yeah I do. But he seems not that bad.~  
  
~That is just because you are useful to him. Don´t be so easily blended by his charms.~  
  
The last words of her inner voice were not spoken with reproach,  
  
rather with sadness and concern.  
  
And Hermione knew that the voice was right.  
  
This was still Draco Malfoy, and the thought made her sick.  
  
********************************  
  
"Oh, that was delicious."  
  
Draco looked at her.  
  
"Yeah, but I would know something even more delicious."  
  
He looked deep into her eyes.  
  
She was unsure how to understand his expression.  
  
He leaned over the table and...  
  
~Fuck... You can´t escape him this time.~  
  
~I know.~  
  
~But you seem so calm.~  
  
Hermione ignored her inner voice and watched Dracos face come closer.  
  
She didn´t flinch when he stopped inches away from hers.  
  
She half closed her eyes.  
  
And he overcame the little gap that had been left between them.  
  
He closed her slightly open lips with a slow and tender kiss.  
  
~He...~  
  
~Shut the hell up. I don´t want to hear anything from you for the rest of the evening.~  
  
Hermione hadn´t expect his lips to be so warm and soft.  
  
He gave soft and tender kisses, she had expected him to kiss her in a hard and cruel way.  
  
She had known him like this before, but in the last two days,  
  
she had met a completely new person.  
  
He slid his tongue along the curve of her lips.  
  
She moaned low and opened her mouth.  
  
He slid his tongue slowly inside her mouth.  
  
Draco shifted his position and Hermione noticed that he stood up and broke the kiss.  
  
But as she opened her mouth to ask him why,  
  
he just walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist  
  
and pressed her against him.  
  
His lips found hers again and captured them again.  
  
This time he demanded entrance right away.  
  
Her arms were wrapped around his neck by themselves.  
  
She gave into the kiss and vanished in his strong arms that held her like nothing did before.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, both of them pulled away breathless.  
  
"Fee,"  
  
his voice was husky.  
  
She just shook her head and placed a finger over his lips.  
  
He looked at her red and swollen lips while she pulled his head back down to her.  
  
Their second kiss was not as gentle and careful as the first one.  
  
He kissed her more passionately and with a fire,  
  
she had never expected to find inside him.  
  
He shifted their position and Hermione found herself slightly pressed against the wall.  
  
His hands roamed over her body and she suddenly felt them under her shirt.  
  
Slowly caressing the skin of her back.  
  
She decided to play his game too.  
  
Her hands left his neck and one lazily circled over his shoulders,  
  
while the other was gripping in his hair.  
  
A low moan escaped her mouth as he left her mouth and gently sucked her earlobe.  
  
"Draco,"  
  
She gasped.  
  
He did not stop kissing his way down her neck.  
  
"Please, stop this, I can´t."  
  
He looked up.  
  
His hair was messed up and his eyes full of desire.  
  
Desire for her.  
  
She swallowed hard and shook her head.  
  
"Please, Draco."  
  
He looked really shocked.  
  
"No.  
  
Why do you do this to me?  
  
First flirt with me and then push me away."  
  
He tried to kiss her again.  
  
But this time she turned her face to the side so he just managed to kiss her ear.  
  
However, this little kiss made her shiver and burn with desire for him.  
  
He noticed.  
  
And he grabbed her hands with one of his and pinned them above her head.  
  
His other hand turned her head towards his face.  
  
"Say no to this if you really don´t want what is happening now."  
  
He kissed her passionately on the lips.  
  
His tongue touched hers and he sucked it gently.  
  
A gasp escaped her as he did so.  
  
She could feel the lust in his kisses.  
  
And she knew this was not right.  
  
Even without her inner voice.  
  
~I can´t do this.  
  
He is the murderer of Oliver, Lily, my best friends and so many other peoples.  
  
I owe them not to do this.~  
  
She was on the edge of crying and it took her a lot of strength to pull away.  
  
"Draco,"  
  
her voice broke when he covered her face with a million kisses,  
  
trying to kiss away her doubts.  
  
"What,"  
  
he mumbled against her cheek.  
  
"I know you what that as much as I do.  
  
I feel it in your kisses.  
  
Why don´t you just give in?"  
  
"I can´t. Draco, I am serious."  
  
"Me too."  
  
She pulled away from him.  
  
She stood in front of him, not moving.  
  
"Fee, say something. Please don´t go."  
  
It made her heart hurt like mad when she heard him beg for her to stay.  
  
Like a little boy.  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"I can´t."  
  
Her voice was husky.  
  
Then she slowly turned away.  
  
"Fee, I think I am falling for you."  
  
Draco voice had been a low whisper, but loud enough for her to hear it.  
  
She stopped, still with her back to him.  
  
~And I am for you. But this is not right.  
  
This is not meant to be.~  
  
Her inner voice didn´t agreed.  
  
It was silent everywhere, inside her and around her too.  
  
He didn´t move, just stared at her back.  
  
He waited for to turn around, flying in his arms.  
  
Kiss him again, being in his arms for at least the rest of the night.  
  
Like he she had done in his dreams.  
  
But she didn´t.  
  
Instead she slowly walked away.  
  
Leaving a confused Draco behind her.  
  
******************* TBC ****************  
  
AN: What is horrible? Right, my first "graphical" kiss. I am sorry and I know.  
  
Please forgive me and tell me what you think about the rest!!!  
  
I beg you, please review!!!!!!!!  
  
Thanks to everyone who reviewed!!!!!!!!  
  
It makes me happy and write faster!!! ;o)  
  
Disclaimer: I own nobody, Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling, our Godness. 


	18. Chapter eighteen Dangerous interruption...

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Chapter XVIII Dangerous interruptions  
  
Do not turn, do not lift your eyes,  
  
towards the still pair standing  
  
on the bridge between your properties,  
  
Indifferent to your minding,  
  
in it´s glory, in it´s power,  
  
This is their hour.  
  
Nothing your strength, your skill, could do  
  
Can alter their embrace  
  
Or dispersuade the Furies who  
  
At he appointed place  
  
With claw and dreadful bow  
  
Wait for them now.  
  
("Deftly, Admiral, cast your fly", by W.H: Auden)  
  
Draco´s heart was about to break, when he saw her walking away.  
  
You are doing the right thing.But why the hell does it hurt so much?Because this is right, and right things often hurt.This cannot be right, it feels so wrong.no, don't to this. If you finish this now, it is not so hard as if you finish it later or never.There you see, it is really not meant to be.........Hey, You know who is standing outside the door?  
  
This is Lucius Malfoy.  
  
Enemy of all not pureblood wizards............Did you hear me? I said Lucius Malfoy. The son is bad, the father is even worse.  
  
Means: Go!! Hurry!!!Oh, how could I forgot it?Because he never was like a father to you. More of a tyrant than of a father.Go, flee!I can´t this would be to suspiciously.This is just because you like Draco more, not just his manners..........Be careful!! He is a fucking dangerous man.Fuck, what can we do?  
  
It is to dangerous to give him your address, not giving it to him is very suspiciously.  
  
Fuck!  
  
But Hermione got help from someone she never expected.  
  
"I´ll see her tomorrow, so I can give her the invitation pesonally.  
  
That would be better."  
  
Draco said to his father.  
  
Very glad about his fathers face.  
  
But Lucius Malfoy was a man of control.  
  
He faked a smile.  
  
"Well, then, I have to leave. Business."  
  
He smiled at Hermione.  
  
"But I hope to see you again, soon.  
  
Draco, out of a word, please?"  
  
This was no question.  
  
"Back in a minute."  
  
Draco whispered in Hermione´s ear.  
  
And the Malfoys left Hermione.  
  
Lucius not without a hand kiss for Hermione.  
  
***************** TBC *********************  
  
AN:  
  
I hope you liked it!!! I hate writing scenes like in at the beginning.  
  
Thanks to Lucius Malfoy for interrupting... ;o)  
  
I thought that this keeps the excitement!!!!  
  
I want to thank my mother (no, little joke) ;o)  
  
I want to thank the reviewers!!!  
  
I am so happy about every review!!!  
  
So I´ll do it formal  
  
Thanks to ( I just list the names, okay?)  
  
lAsYgAl *^-^*  
  
ILUVRONWEASLEY  
  
Malfoyeress  
  
DodgerMcClure.aka.Drama-Queen  
  
scholz03  
  
B  
  
g-unit-ryda  
  
disturbed*black*cat*raven  
  
I hope I didn´t forget someone, if I did, I am really sorry, but I thank those ones too!!!!  
  
Please hold on reviewing!!!!!!!  
  
It makes me soooooo happy!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nobody, please forgive me, I just use them.  
  
AN 2:  
  
I have to tell you again, that I make many mistakes,  
  
please forgive me, but English is not my native language.  
  
(I thought it would be good to mention it again ;o) ) 


	19. Chapter nineteen Look into an evil mind

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Chapter XIX Look into an evil mind  
  
Under a midnight stone  
  
Love way buried by thieves;  
  
The robbed heart begs for a bone  
  
The damned rustles like leaves.  
  
("Eyes look into the well", by W.H. Auden)  
  
Lucius Malfoys POV  
  
How stupid does she think I am?  
  
Did she really thought that I would buy her faked ID?  
  
It isn't even good.  
  
Felicitas Hewitt, why the hell should I buy that?!  
  
It was me, who sent the Aurors to her flat, that day, more than three years ago.  
  
I wanted the trust of the minister of magic,  
  
and somehow I guessed that she could be important for our final plan.  
  
She is.  
  
I was the one who organised that she wasn't killed during those years.  
  
We need her alive, so she is alive.  
  
The whole Order has no idea how powerful our league is.  
  
Dumbledore has a shimmer of an idea, but not really.  
  
We are to evil for him to even imagine.  
  
Our strength is, that we kill for fun, torture for leisure and fight without rules.  
  
Rules are not made for us, our Lord is beyond them.  
  
Our power is, that we rule others, take without asking.  
  
Scaring people is still the best way to keep their loyalty.  
  
And this woman, Hermione Granger, thinks she could seduce my son and gain information?  
  
What a noble idea, but it is useless.  
  
I am going to play my games with her.  
  
Like I do with Draco.  
  
He is just a plaything, part of a big plan, but not important enough to ruin anything.  
  
He is just a little factor in a big plan, just a little star on the nightly sky.  
  
And Hermione Granger is going to wish that she would have really died three years ago.  
  
But I have to confess, I admire her guts.  
  
I mean, not everyone would take a mission that leads into the heart of the enemy's league.  
  
She has.  
  
Although my son killed her friends, her parents and her family.  
  
She is not broken, she still fights.  
  
And it will be a pleasure to me, being the one who breaks her.  
  
And I will kill a lot of other people that mean something to her.  
  
Does she really thinks that I wouldn't figure out who she is?  
  
Hermione Granger, the mudblood, the genius, the hope of the order.  
  
Or shouldn´t we say, "the last hope"?  
  
Or even better, "The lost hope".  
  
Of course, Draco knows nothing about this.  
  
He is too emotional to be a good Death-Eater.  
  
The only reason, he is still alive is that he is my son.  
  
Although I am not even very sure about this.  
  
But it would harm my reputation if someone would know that he would be not "my" son.  
  
Of course, I like killing people too, but the reason,  
  
I am still alive, is that there are hardly human feelings inside myself.  
  
I gave them up, long ago, after I married Narcissa.  
  
Actually I have to be grateful that she tried to work against me.  
  
Shortly before she died, or better would be, before I killed her,  
  
I found letters, written by Remus Lupin.  
  
Giving her information about the order and stuff like that.  
  
She was so romantic, you could say that this was her dead.  
  
She saved the letters, instead of burning them.  
  
Stupid woman.  
  
He dead was a hard strike for the Order.  
  
She was their weapon, the weak-point in our league.  
  
But she is dead now, no danger anymore.  
  
She never really was.  
  
And Hermione Granger, I don't know how to deal with her, not yet.  
  
But I will have my fun. That is for sure.  
  
*********************** TBC **************************  
  
AN: I love cliffhangers!!!!!!  
  
This chapter is a bit short, but it was necessairy fo the next ones.  
  
I hope the plot has thickened a bit in you eyes!  
  
Please review!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tell me what you think, I´d love to hear or read it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I own no one, although I would like to have a Draco, or Oliver ;o)  
  
But they still belong to J.K. Rowling  
  
I guess you think so too!! 


	20. Chapter twenty Understanding the truth

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
AN: FF.net is running again, so I can finally post the twentieth chapter!!!!!!  
  
Chapter XX Understanding the truth  
  
For there in the middle of that waiting hall  
  
Should be standing the one that I love best of all  
  
If he is not there to meet me when I get to town,  
  
I´ll stand on the side-walk with tears rolling down.  
  
For he is the one that I love to look on.  
  
The acme of kindness and perfection.  
  
He pressed my hand and says he loves me,  
  
("Calypso", By W.H. Auden)  
  
Hermione quickly closed the door behind her.  
  
She was glad to be alone.  
  
She sank down, her back against the door.  
  
~Fuck, why does it feels so good to be kissing him?~  
  
~Because you are in love with him.~  
  
This time her inner voice wasn't angry or sarcastic.  
  
~?????~  
  
~Shall I repeat? You, or both of us are in love with Draco Malfoy.  
  
The Murderer of your family and friends, son of Lucius Malfoy and Death- Eater  
  
and a very good kisser.~  
  
~But this cannot be.  
  
This is not right.  
  
I am a former Auror and I work for the Order,  
  
plus, in his eyes I am nothing, I am a Mudblood.~  
  
~In his eyes, you are Felicitas Hewitt, the girl he kisses like mad and is crazy after.~  
  
~This is nothing but a lie.  
  
Nothing of all this is real, if he is falling for me, good, but I have to keep my head clear.  
  
I can't give into those romantic thoughts,  
  
I have a family and friends, dead, but in my head screaming for revenge.~  
  
"I need to write a letter to Tonks and Molly,  
  
I need their help, if I want to seduce Malfoy and destroy him successfully."  
  
Hermione smirked, but not in her usual nice and kind way,  
  
this time her smirk was cold and cruel.  
  
But it was nothing else than a mask to hide her true feelings toward Draco Malfoy.  
  
**************** Grimmauld Place ****************  
  
Tonks, Molly, Fred and George sat around the kitchen table,  
  
when Remus stormed into the kitchen.  
  
"Hey guys,"  
  
he seemed to be very excited.  
  
"You won't believe what I have here!"  
  
"Another dead friend?"  
  
George wasn't in a good mood, his wife was at the doctor,  
  
and he wanted to know how she was.  
  
"George, didn't sleep well last night?"  
  
"Sophia, his wife didn't want him to come with her to the doctor.  
  
She said he would make her nervous, for he has not the good nerves she has."  
  
Fred grinned widely at his brother.  
  
Remus stood at the door and looked questioning into the kitchen.  
  
He shrugged,  
  
"Ok, then you don't want to hear what Hermione writes."  
  
He grinned as he saw the expression on Fred's face.  
  
"Hermione wrote?  
  
Is she alright?"  
  
"I have no idea, Fred.  
  
I haven't read the letter."  
  
"Why? Give it to me,  
  
I want to read it."  
  
Remus grin grew wider.  
  
"No, it is for Tonks and Molly."  
  
Fred's face fell, as he saw Lupin handing the letter to his mother and Tonks.  
  
Now it was George's turn to tease Fred.  
  
"Oh, that is hard if the woman of the heart just writes to your "mom" and not to you."  
  
"Shut the hell up."  
  
******************  
  
"Molly,"  
  
Tonks voice was anxious,  
  
"please, let me read her letter too."  
  
Molly's face wore a worried expression.  
  
"Read it, and after reading please throw it into the fire."  
  
Molly had made the guys leave, after reading the first sentences.  
  
Tonks took the paper from Molly's hand and read it.  
  
She was glad to see Hermiones handwriting again.  
  
"Dear Tonks and Molly,  
  
I really need your help.  
  
Draco Malfoy is falling for me!!!  
  
Isn't it great?  
  
This is the perfect way to get information.  
  
Yesterday, we've met his father, but it wasn't as bad as I thought.  
  
L.M. is buying my ID and he invited me to a ball he is going to give.  
  
I beg you, please help me with the ball-thing.  
  
I have to look stunning if I want Draco to give me everything we need on information.  
  
Answer me as soon as possible!  
  
Via muggle post.  
  
It may take more time, but it is safer.  
  
Hermione"  
  
"That sounds really bad."  
  
Tonks said, throwing the letter into the fireplace.  
  
Molly just nodded.  
  
"This is too dangerous for her, a ball at Malfoy Manor, this is going to end bad."  
  
"Tonks, please be so nice and tell Dumbledore that we really need to speak with him.  
  
This is a way to high for us."  
  
***********************  
  
Hermione opened the door to her flat and step out into the floor.  
  
She was on her way to the St. James park.  
  
Draco wanted to meet her there.  
  
At least he had said he wanted to.  
  
But when Hermione stepped out of the door,  
  
she suddenly had an immense bouquet of roses directly in front of her nose.  
  
She heard Draco´s low voice through the roses.  
  
"Good morning My Lady."  
  
She couldn´t help but smile.  
  
"hey, that wasn't necessary."  
  
"I know, but I wanted to see your smile again."  
  
He pulled the roses aside and kissed her softly on her lips.  
  
She quickly gave into the kiss and soon it became more passionately.  
  
He let the roses fall and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her up a bit,  
  
so that her feet were a few inches above the ground.  
  
Hermione pulled away breathless.  
  
"mmm, I´d like to be kissed like this more often."  
  
She smiled at him and he rested his forehead against hers.  
  
"I could do something in this subject, I think."  
  
He grinned as he kissed her again.  
  
This time it took both of them more time to pull away from each other.  
  
"So, what do you want to do today, My Lady?"  
  
"What do you have to offer?"  
  
Her voice was a bit husky from their previous encounter.  
  
"What about flying?  
  
I mean Quidditch? You said you liked it."  
  
"I said I like watching it, but I can´t even fly!"  
  
Hermiones voice became high.  
  
"I am afraid of flying."  
  
"Then I´ll have to teach you"  
  
Draco looked at her seductivly.  
  
"And there are a lot other things i could teach you too."  
  
He kissed her again, this time with all his desire, which was a lot...  
  
(AN: Oh, I am soooo jealous!!!!!)  
  
"But you´ll take car of me that I don´t fall."  
  
She looked at him with puppy eyes.  
  
"i´ll take care of you, no matter what happens."  
  
He pressed her closer to him and just held her in his embrace.  
  
Hermione felt so good in his arms. Although she knew it was not right.  
  
~I should feel like this in Freds arms. Not in Dracos.~  
  
~Yeah, but love never thinks about who is on your side or not.~  
  
~What would the others think if they could see me like this?~  
  
~They would probably think how much they feel sorry for you.  
  
They still think that it is hard for you to be with Malfoy.~  
  
~But it isn´t. I love to be with him, however I deny it.~  
  
~That´s normal I guess. But you mustn´t place him higher than your mission.  
  
You may be in love with him, but just as long as you are needed here.  
  
When the mission ends, you have to leave him here,  
  
and you will leave for your own life and your own fight.  
  
You mustn´t forget, that he fights for something and someone else.  
  
You know that, don´t you?~  
  
~Yeah, I do.  
  
But as long as this mission continues, I may enjoy this feelings and follow them.  
  
But when the Order tells me that we go into the final battle, t  
  
hen you are right, then I will have to leave him here.  
  
But this may take its time.~  
  
She leaned closer to Draco and inhaled his male scent.  
  
She snuggled in his chest and mumbled:  
  
"Then teach me how to fly."  
  
He caressed her back and nuzzled in her hair.  
  
"But for this I´ll have to take you with me,  
  
I know a fine place to practise."  
  
"Fine, then take me away from here, Draco Malfoy."  
  
And he aparated with her in his arms.  
  
**************** TBC *********************  
  
AN: Yuppy!! I finished Chapter XX!!!  
  
Again I thank everyone who reviewed, it makes me so happy to see all m reviews!!!  
  
I love them,  
  
I need them,  
  
I wait for them every time I check my mails!!!  
  
So, please (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Give me more reviews!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: Again, I have to tell you and myself that I don´t own Harry Potter. :o(  
  
*Sobbing*  
  
he still belongs to J.K. Rowling, the same thing for Hermione, Draco, etc.  
  
(I mean, I don´t write about harry, so actually it doesn´t really matter that I don´t own him,  
  
does it? *Smile*) 


	21. Chapter twenty one Flying

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Chapter XXI Flying  
  
If I caught the world in a bottle  
  
And everything was still beneath the moon  
  
Without your love would it shine for me?  
  
If I was smart as Aristotle  
  
And understood the rings around the moon  
  
What would it all matter if you loved me?  
  
Here in your arms where the world is impossibly still  
  
With a million dreams to fulfill  
  
And a matter of moments until the dancing ends  
  
Here in your arms when everything seems to be clear  
  
Not a solitary thing would I fear  
  
Except when this moment comes near the dancing's end  
  
If I caught the world in an hourglass  
  
Saddled up the moon so we could ride  
  
Until the stars grew dim, Until...  
  
One day you''ll meet a stranger  
  
And all the noise is silenced in the room  
  
You''ll feel that you're close to some mystery  
  
In the moonlight and everything shatters  
  
You feel as if you''ve known her all your life  
  
The world''s oldest lesson in history  
  
Here in your arms where the world is impossibly still  
  
With a million dreams to fulfill  
  
And a matter of moments until the dancing ends  
  
Here in your arms when everything seems to be clear  
  
Not a solitary thing do I fear  
  
Except when this moment comes near the dancing''s end  
  
Oh, if I caught the world in an hourglass  
  
Saddled up the moon and we would ride  
  
Until the stars grew dim  
  
Until the time that time stands still, Until...  
  
("Until" performed by Sting) (AN: Ever seen "Kate and Leopold"? I just love this movie!!! It is so great, if you haven´t watched it yet, watch it, it is really good. And by the way, Hugh Jackman looks soooo great!!! *become red and tell you just to ignore the comment*)  
  
"Where are we?"  
  
Hermione looked around.  
  
They were on a hill, although it was already autumn, the grass was still green.  
  
The trees wore their dress of brown, red and yellow.  
  
All around them was nature, she couldn't see houses or streets,  
  
just this untouched part of nature.  
  
"You like it?"  
  
She heard Draco´s voice near her ear.  
  
"It is wonderful."  
  
"Accio broom."  
  
Hermione was surprised when behind the trees a broom flew towards them.  
  
"No, you can't be serious, don't make me climb on that thing."  
  
"This is no thing,"  
  
Draco gave her a strange look.  
  
"This is a Startail, the latest model."  
  
"Oh,"  
  
Hermione shrugged,  
  
"But fact is, that this is a broom.  
  
You don't want me to fly on it, do you?"  
  
"Of course I want you too,  
  
but for the first time, you'll fly with me."  
  
She stared at him.  
  
"Don't look that shocked,  
  
I´ll take care that you don't fall."  
  
He laughed at her expression.  
  
"Go on, take a seat, My Lady."  
  
Hermione frowned but took a seat on the broom.  
  
Draco seated himself in front of her.  
  
She instantly wrapped her arms around his waist.  
  
"My Lady, everything ok?  
  
Then lets fly."  
  
He pushed them up from the ground and a little shriek escaped Hermione.  
  
"Don't worry, Fee, I am a good flyer."  
  
The grip around his waist tightened as he flew higher with her.  
  
She buried her face in his back.  
  
"Don't you feel the wind in your hair and on you skin?"  
  
He felt her lifting her face from his back.  
  
He smiled, imaging her hair flying behind he head,  
  
and her eyes closed by the sensation of the cold wind.  
  
"Draco, this feels wonderful."  
  
He heard the joy in her voice.  
  
"Please let this never end."  
  
Her voice sounded like he had never heard it before.  
  
Relaxed.  
  
~And you want to make her a gift for the Dark Lord?~  
  
~........~  
  
~Hey, I asked you something.~  
  
~I am in love with her.~  
  
~WHAT?~  
  
~I am in love with this girl,  
  
that is afraid of flying,  
  
almost unknown to me,  
  
sweet to no end  
  
and kisses like a godness.~  
  
~She is meant to be sacrificed to the Dark Lord, you know that, don't you?~  
  
~I do, but I will do everything to protect her.  
  
I´ll tell my father that I love her.  
  
I mean she is a Pureblood, so he can't say anything against her.~  
  
~We talk about your father...~  
  
~He tells me every day that I need to find a wife and get an heir.~  
  
~You talk about marring her???~  
  
~Maybe, I don't know yet.~  
  
~Forget it, you will give her to the Dark Lord,  
  
you need to save your position in his rows.~  
  
"Draco,"  
  
Hermiones voice ripped him out of his thoughts.  
  
"I want to thank you.  
  
You have shown me so many wonderful things in the last days."  
  
"I have to thank you, Fee.  
  
I am so happy that I met you,  
  
you gave me the greatest days of my life."  
  
He felt her snuggling closer to him as he flew even higher.  
  
The sun had began to set down,  
  
and he flew them directly into the vanishing light of the evening sun.  
  
~Maybe this is completely idiotic, to fly into the sunset, but it is so romantically.~  
  
~You are madly in love, Hermione.~  
  
~I know.~  
  
~Are you going to tell him?~  
  
~Tell him what?~  
  
~That you are in love with him?~  
  
~Don't know.  
  
I don't want to worry about this for the moment.  
  
I just want to enjoy this wonderful evening and keep it in mind for the rest of my life.~  
  
*********************************  
  
Hermione didn't know how long they had been flying  
  
when Draco flew to a hill and gently  
  
landed on the ground.  
  
It was almost dark now, just some last glimmers of the sun were seen.  
  
The stars were already on the sky as he helped her off the broom.  
  
Before anyone could say a word he pulled her close to him and pressed his lips onto hers.  
  
Firmly but still gentle.  
  
He trailed soft kisses all over her face.  
  
"Felicitas, you are so beautiful."  
  
He whispered against her skin.  
  
She didn't answer, instead she pulled his lips back to hers and kissed him fierily.  
  
He lifted her up and then placed her gently on the ground.  
  
His hands roamed over her body hungrily.  
  
He lifted her head and pulled her shirt over her head.  
  
Then quickly unclasped her bra sucking gently on her breast,  
  
While laying her carefully down onto the grass.  
  
She shivered, not knowing if it was from his touch  
  
or the nightly air that touched her exposed skin.  
  
Little goose bumps appeared on her skin.  
  
Draco tried to kiss every single away and warm her again.  
  
She searched his lips and kissed him like she wanted to take his breath away.  
  
In this kiss she put all her despair that all this was not right and not meant to be.  
  
He parted her lips with his tongue and entered her mouth with his.  
  
Their tongues seemed to fight a battle of love and lust.  
  
He opened her jeans and slid it quickly down her legs.  
  
Draco did all this without breaking the kiss.  
  
Hermione moaned in the back of her throat as his hands touched the front of her panties.  
  
She left his lips and slowly unbuttoned his shirt.  
  
Hermione wanted to kiss every inch of his pale skin.  
  
But it wasn´t was flawless as she had it expected to be.  
  
Over his chest and back were scars.  
  
Some very short stripes, others long like snakes on his perfect skin.  
  
Some of them seemed to be old, but one was new, it shimmered in a slight pink.  
  
She gently placed kisses on them and looked questioning up at Draco.  
  
He had thrown back his head in pleasure.  
  
A gasp came out of his mouth.  
  
"How..."  
  
Her voice was low,  
  
He looked down at her and suddenly he was smashed by his emotions for her.  
  
He grabbed her shoulders and brought her mouth up to his for a quick but passionate kiss.  
  
"Who did this to you?"  
  
Hermione looked deep into his eyes, she worried about him,  
  
some of them were surely made  
  
during their time at Hogwarts.  
  
"My father and the Dark Lord,"  
  
His voice trailed off,  
  
"But they are not here now, it is just the two of us now.  
  
You don´t need to worry."  
  
She smiled weakly.  
  
She wanted to kiss away the pain,  
  
so she bent down and slowly trailed her tongue along each scar.  
  
He shuddered as she blew on the sensitive skin.  
  
Draco rolled her over, so he was on top of her now.  
  
He kissed his way from her neck, over her breasts down to her belly button.  
  
She groaned when he struck his tongue into it.  
  
After kissing his way back up, he captured her lips is a hot kiss.  
  
While kissing, her hands slid over his chest, down to the waistline of his pants.  
  
She slowly unbuttoned his pants, without him noticing it.  
  
He was to "busy" with licking her ear and sucking her neck.  
  
But he noticed as she touched his arousal.  
  
He moaned as her fingers trailed over it, just separated by the thin fabric of his silk boxers.  
  
He pulled her jeans away from her legs and tossed it aside.  
  
When she slid her fingers inside his boxers,  
  
she made him crazy with her lazy movement and the seductive smile on her lips.  
  
He could do nothing else but groan under her touch.  
  
Hermione helped him our of his boxers and gasped in surprise as she saw his manhood.  
  
He wanted to grin at the expression on her face, but was to occupied with fumbling on her panties.  
  
After he had them off, he looked into her eyes, questioning.  
  
She gave him a slight smile and he took it a yes.  
  
Draco placed himself in front of her entrance and shifted carefully into her.  
  
She moaned his name as he entered her.  
  
He would do everything to make her moan or scream his name again.  
  
Hermione moaned even louder as he moved faster insider her.  
  
~It is like this is meant to be, she underneath me, I with her.  
  
This feels so right.~  
  
He didn´t want it to end so soon, he wanted to stay like this forever.  
  
But with one last thrust he emptied himself inside her and she climaxed under him.  
  
************** TBC ************************  
  
AN: Okay, I am over with it.  
  
It took me a lot of nerves to write this chapter, believe me.  
  
I heard "Until" almost all the time and drunk tea like mad.  
  
I hoped you liked it.  
  
However, Please review!!!!!!!  
  
I beg you, please!!!!  
  
If you don´t liked it, I have to know it (but I hope you liked it)  
  
But I would be much happier if you told me that you liked it.  
  
This is logical, isn´t it???  
  
So, long speech but short sense:  
  
Please, leave a little review for me!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: *sigh* I own no one.  
  
J.K. Rowling owns Draco and Hermione as well as the other characters I write about. :o( 


	22. Chapter twenty two The morning after co...

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Chapter XXII The morning after confession  
  
I´ll love you dear, I´ll love you  
  
Till China and Africa meet,  
  
And the river jumps over the mountain  
  
And the samon sings on the street.  
  
I´ll love you till the ocean  
  
Is folded and hung uo to dry  
  
And the seven stars to squawking  
  
Like geese about the sky.  
  
The years shall run like rabbits,  
  
For in my arms I hold  
  
The flower of the Ages  
  
And the first love of the world.  
  
("As I walked out one evening" By W.H. Auden)  
  
Hermione woke up by a soft morning breeze.  
  
~Fuck, where the hell am I~  
  
~You are somewhere on a hill without clothes~  
  
~What aren´t you smart. I mean where on a hill?~  
  
~Don´t know, fact is that yesterday you didn´t care much about the where.  
  
And by the way, you are here with Draco Malfoy.~  
  
~Fuck.~  
  
~You already said this.~  
  
The memory of what had happened yesterday night hit Hermione like a bludger.  
  
She turned around, afraid of what she would see.  
  
Draco laid next to her and watched her through half open eyes.  
  
"Morning My Lady."  
  
He smiled at her.  
  
~I love when he smiles.~  
  
"How long have you been awake?"  
  
He pouted,  
  
"What, no morning kiss? No good morning, for the guy of your dreams?"  
  
Hermione laughed.  
  
"Why should I dream of you?"  
  
She teased him.  
  
"Hmm, I mean you spend the nigh with me,  
  
so I guess it would just be fair to dream of me, not of someone else."  
  
She raised a brow.  
  
"What about my morning kiss now?"  
  
He leaned over to her and softly kissed her on the lips.  
  
She enjoyed the kiss.  
  
~This is Draco Malfoy, I never guessed he could be that gentle.~  
  
~Now you know.~  
  
~Yeah, now I know.~  
  
She broke the kiss and looked into Dracos eyes.  
  
"I have to leave."  
  
"Why? I don´t want you to leave so soon."  
  
"But I have to, I start my new job tomorrow and I have a few things to prepare."  
  
"If you start tomorrow we have a whole day left.  
  
And if you need to prepare something, we have at least half of a day left."  
  
He grinned at her.  
  
"I don´t even know where we are.  
  
I how much time it takes to go back to London."  
  
"I know where we are, so I can apparate us back."  
  
"You are impossible Draco."  
  
*****************************************  
  
After spending the mornig with kissing and making love,  
  
Hermione felt that it was necessairy to leave now.  
  
"Draco",  
  
she managed to say between to kisses.  
  
"What my dear?"  
  
His voice was husky as he stopped sucking her neck.  
  
"This is going to be a sweet hickey."  
  
He grinned as he saw what he had done to her throat.  
  
"Draco, please, stop that."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I have to go, and I won´t if you hold on kissing me."  
  
"That´s the sense of kissing you, to make you stay with me, not to leave me alone."  
  
"I won´t leave you alone, but do you want me to get fired because of you?"  
  
"If that means that you stay with me all day, yes!"  
  
Hermione giggled as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back down to him.  
  
It took her almost all of her strength to stand up and putting her clothes on.  
  
"You are serious about leaving, aren´t you?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
Draco groaned before lifting himself on his feet.  
  
"Then I have no choice but acompagne you.  
  
I mean, I don´t want that anything happens to you."  
  
"You are so cute."  
  
Hermione smiled at him and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.  
  
"Cute?"  
  
Draco made a face.  
  
"You tell me that I am cute?"  
  
She giggled.  
  
"That, My Lady is the kiss of death, telling a Malfoy that he is cute.  
  
Haven´t you thought of my ego?"  
  
"I think it is big enough."  
  
"Which one?"  
  
She didn´t answered.  
  
"She says that I am cute,"  
  
He mumbled to himself, but loud enough for her to hear it.  
  
***********************************************  
  
After the two of them were clothed again, what took them a lot of time..  
  
Draco asked Hermione:  
  
"Where does My Lady wants to go?"  
  
"Hmmm, bring me back to Covent Garden, that isn´t far from where I live."  
  
Which was absolutely not true, for Hermione lived near the Trafalgar Square.  
  
"May I bring you directly to your flat?"  
  
"No. A Lady needs to keep her secrets."  
  
"Uh, but not from me..."  
  
"Yes, especiallly from you."  
  
"What makes you think that I should tell you were I live?"  
  
She wasn´t earnest, so she was surprised by the way he answered.  
  
"Felicitas, for I want to be there when you need me,  
  
I want to be the one who calms you, when you weak by your nightmares."  
  
"Did I have some,I mean last night?"  
  
"Yes, you screamed and cried like mad.  
  
I don´t know what you dreamed about, but it was hard for just to lay there and look.  
  
So I took you in my arms, and it didn´t takt long until you calmed yourself.  
  
And as I saw you lying there next to me so peacefully,  
  
I was suddenly smashed by the wish to hold you like this forever."  
  
She looked at him.  
  
Hermione hadn´t expected him to be so honest.  
  
"I want to hold you till the end of time,  
  
I want to be near you, to protect you from everything evil in this world."  
  
~So he wants to protect you from his family and himself?  
  
He was the one who brought evil things in your life.~  
  
~.....~  
  
"Fee, I love you."  
  
********************************* TBC ******************************  
  
AN. Sorry this is such a short one, but I write a test tomorrow and have to practise. :o(  
  
But it is an English test, so this is practise as well, isn´t it??? ;o)  
  
Please tell me what you think about it!!!  
  
A bit too romantic, I guess, but next chapter I´ll change this.  
  
Next chapter is going to be a bit angsty again.. *evil grin*  
  
Disclaimer: The same as every chapter. 


	23. Chapter twenty three Selftalking

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
catch me as i fall  
  
say you're here and it's all over now  
  
speaking to the atmosphere  
  
no one's here and i fall into myself  
  
this truth drives me into madness  
  
i know i can stop the pain if i will it all away...if I will it all away  
  
don't turn away  
  
(don't give in to the pain)  
  
don't try to hide  
  
(though they're screaming your name)  
  
don't close your eyes  
  
(God knows what lies behind them)  
  
don't turn out the light  
  
(never sleep never die)  
  
("Whisper" By evenescense)  
  
Chapter XXIII Selftalking  
  
~Oh shit.~  
  
~He said he loves you.~  
  
~I heard it.~  
  
~This is bad.~  
  
~Yeah, what the fuck shall I answer?~  
  
~I dunno, you love him as well, don´t you?~  
  
~Dunno. I am not sure.  
  
If I would say that I love him, it would make everything even more complicated.~  
  
~Then try to go away.  
  
Apparate away as fast as you can and from home you can send him an owl.  
  
That gives you time to think about it.~  
  
~you know what?~  
  
~tell me.~  
  
~This is the first useful idea since this whole mess started.~  
  
~..~  
  
Hermione concentrated hard and apparated,  
  
leaving Draco standing there on a hill in nowhere.  
  
She desperately hoped that she would come out at least in London.  
  
But she was lucky and landed in her kitchen.  
  
But not exactely were she intended to.  
  
~Fuck, she muttered from the big cupboard, two meters above the ground.  
  
**********************************  
  
After she had calmed herself a bit and drunk about ten cups of her favorite tea (cinamon apple),  
  
she had ordered her thoughts at leat a bit.  
  
So she first opened the letter from Molly and Tonks.  
  
"Dear Hermione,  
  
The whole Lucius-thing sounds important,  
  
we have called Dumbledore, so we can discuss it in common.  
  
Please be come to Grimmauld Place as fast as you can.  
  
Dumbledore will be here this evening. (means Sunday).  
  
It is really urgent!  
  
Molly and Tonks  
  
Ps: Fred is really eager to see you.  
  
You really have to tell me why.  
  
Tonks  
  
"Fuck, this was really what I needed."  
  
~Tonight you have to see Fred again.~  
  
~This can just get better.~  
  
~NO, don´t you know Murphy´s law?  
  
Everything that can go wrong, goes wrong.~  
  
~Don´t say that!  
  
This mess is too big for me. I just want in my bed and sleep.  
  
This has to me a bad nightmare.~  
  
~Reality is always a bad nightmare, if you think so.  
  
But you have to be at Grimmauld Place tonight.  
  
They count on you.~  
  
~This is too much for me, yesterday,  
  
it was almost unbearable, but now, after Draco confessed his love,  
  
it "is" unbearable.~  
  
~Tss, you are a big girl, you can and must handle this by yourself.~  
  
~Why? I don´t want to be a big girl.  
  
I want to be a child that can run to her Mommy or Daddy  
  
in the knowledge that they are turning everything right.~  
  
~But sooner or later, the child has to learn that they cannot.~  
  
~But I want someone to hold me, to help me, to "support" me.~  
  
~You have to learn to stand on you own feet.~  
  
~I am the bloody hell standing on them, although I sometims just want someone to lean against.  
  
Someone like Draco.~  
  
She thougth the last words without even knowing.  
  
Soon, she regrettet it.  
  
~Like Draco? Hell, Draco is a big reason why you are in this mess!!!~  
  
~I know, but I felt so safe in his arms, that was it was made me sick.~  
  
~Learn it, you are an agent, he is the enemy,  
  
you have to work against him, not sleep with him.~  
  
~But yesterday you didn´t say a thing when I slept with him.~  
  
~How could I? Your feelings towards him were so strong that you didn´t hear me.  
  
This time you were so sure about what you were doing, so you couldn´t hear me.  
  
Didn´t you notice that we just "talk" when you are insecure, or desperate?  
  
Yesterday you were absolutely sure that it was right what you were doing.~  
  
~Was it right?~  
  
~No,~  
  
~oh~  
  
~I mean, yesterday it seemed to be right, so no need to worry,  
  
it was completely understandable,~  
  
Hermione didn´t dared to believer her inner self, for this was the first time that it consoled her.  
  
~Hey, I am not that bad.~  
  
~No, indeed, you aren´t. But be honest, you enjoyed yesterday night as much as I did.~  
  
~.... Ok,... I did.~  
  
Innerly Hermione smiled.  
  
~I just said it to make you smile again.~  
  
Hermiones smile grew wider.  
  
But soon it vanished again.  
  
~What am I going to tell them?~  
  
~The truth would not be good. Tell them about the ball and that Lucius seemed to like you.~  
  
~Did he?~  
  
~Yeah, he did. If you play your cards right, he is going to invite you to Malfoy Manor soon.~  
  
~What makes you sure about this?~  
  
~Instinct, believe me.~  
  
~And what shall I do about the whole Fred-thing?~  
  
~First: You mustn´t tell him about Malfoy and your feelings towards him.  
  
Second: be nice to him~  
  
~What does that means?~  
  
~Be nice means, be nice in the way he wants it.~  
  
~Tell me you don´t mean I shall cheat on Draco.~  
  
~You can´t cheat on Draco, I mean you are no couple.~  
  
~But he said he loved me.~  
  
~Do you believe every single word a Malfoy says?~  
  
~No..~  
  
~You see,~  
  
~But he seemed so honest.~  
  
~It was during the sex, wasn´t it?~  
  
Hermione blushed,  
  
~No, it was afterwards, before I was going to leave.~  
  
~There you go, he wanted you to stay for another round.~  
  
~That thought is digusting.~  
  
~No it isn´t, it is Malfoy- like~  
  
~I have to prepare myself for Grimmauld Place~  
  
Hermione changed the subject, for suddenly she didn´t like the thougth about talking to much  
  
about Malfoy with her inner seft, for she could barely hide something.  
  
~Do you help me finding some clothers?~  
  
~If you want...~  
  
~No, I don´t.~  
  
~Of course you do.~  
  
Hermione sighed and made her way towards the bedroom.  
  
Just to stop at the door and just stare into the bedroom.  
  
Unable to move, by the sight of what or who was inside.  
  
************************* TBC ************************  
  
AN: I know that I am a mean person ;o)  
  
But I want to thank everyone for their latest reviews:  
  
: ILUVRONWEASLEY: Yeah, I hope that my marks are getting better ;o)  
  
Arime Setta: I warn you better not to read my other stories, they are extremely bad!!! But thanx for you lovely review!!!  
  
Red Queen 1 I am so happy if someone tells me he/ she likes my story!!! Hope you keep reviewing!!! ;o)))  
  
: Miss Tryst I try my best to update as often as possible, but sometimes it is really hard, so don´t be disappointed if I can´t upadate!  
  
Please hold on reviewing!!!! ;o))  
  
But it doesn´t seem so :o(  
  
Yeah, I know it´s a bit too romantic, but watch the movie "Roman Holidays" and then write about Draco and Hermione.. It is really hard ;o)  
  
Disclaimer: It´s stupid, but I have to say it: I DON`T OWN HARRY POTTER OR ANYONE I WRITE ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!! And it makes me very sad! :o(  
  
Please, I would be very grateful if you reviewed!!!!!  
  
Please, I need your reviews, I live for them, I just write to get some!!! (little and stupid joke, but sometimes I think I really do) So I beg you, REVIEW!!!! 


	24. Chapter twenty four When a father loves...

Warning: A bit dark...  
  
"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
i tried to kill the pain  
  
but only brought more  
  
(so much more)  
  
i lay dying  
  
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal  
  
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming  
  
am i too lost to be saved  
  
am i too lost?  
  
my God my tourniquet  
  
return to me salvation  
  
my God my tourniquet  
  
return to me salvation  
  
do you remember me  
  
lost for so long  
  
will you be on the other side  
  
or will you forget me  
  
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming  
  
am i too lost to be saved  
  
am i too lost?  
  
my God my tourniquet  
  
return to me salvation  
  
my God my tourniquet  
  
return to me salvation  
  
(I want to die)  
  
my God my tourniquet  
  
return to me salvation  
  
my God my tourniquet  
  
return to me salvation  
  
my wounds cry for the grave  
  
my soul cries for deliverance  
  
will i be denied Christ  
  
tourniquet  
  
my suicide  
  
(« Tourniquet » By ecanescense)  
  
Chapter XXIV When a father loves the son  
  
"My son, nice to see. It had been a while, hasn't it?"  
  
"Yes, if you consider two days a while, then yes."  
  
"Draco, sarcasm isn´t good for the skin, it makes it older."  
  
His father smiled, and Draco wished to punsh him hard into the face.  
  
"Lets leave the good manners aside."  
  
Draco started.  
  
"Why? Good manners may open you a lot of doors."  
  
"Yeah, maybe, but I want to talk to you, about the woman, Felicitas."  
  
"Ah," A smile hushed over Lucius´face.  
  
But Draco was smart enough to know that this hadn´t been a real smile.  
  
It had been faked, like almost everything about his father.  
  
"What about her? Is she ready?"  
  
His voice had been soft, but suddenly it became very hard and cruel.  
  
"There are no diffuculites about her in anyway, aren´t there?"  
  
Draco hesitated to tell his father what he wanted him to tell.  
  
His mind was running.  
  
~Hey, don´t be a coward. Tell him that you love her!~  
  
~I can´t.~  
  
~What does that mean, you cannot? Of course you can.~  
  
"Draco, tell me what you wanted me to tell."  
  
The voice of his father was now very near his ear.  
  
"Be a good boy and tell your father."  
  
Lucius had never been a good father.  
  
But Draco had to much feared for his mother,  
  
so he hadn´t resist him, when he did the things he was used to to.  
  
Lucius´finger slid along Dracos jawline.  
  
"My good son,"  
  
Lucius lowered his head over Draco´s neck.  
  
He could feel the hot breath of his father on his skin.  
  
Draco shivered.  
  
"You like what I am doing, don´t you?"  
  
Lucius bite down on Draco´s neck.  
  
"No,"  
  
Draco spat out.  
  
"I never did. I was just to scared for my mother.  
  
But now, you have killed her, so there is no need not to be honest."  
  
"You dare to speak to me like this?"  
  
Lucius voice rose and he yelled:  
  
"Crucio!"  
  
Draco fell on the ground, the face a single mask of pain, but no scream escaped his lips.  
  
~Think of Fee. Of her eyes.  
  
Think of the way she feels under you.~  
  
Draco almost smiled throug the pain.  
  
He had found his weapon.  
  
If he thought of her, the pain was not so strong.  
  
"Ah, I see it doesn´t feel the way it should."  
  
Draco heard his father yell.  
  
Then his voice became low and dangerously again.  
  
"I see I have to use another way to make you act nice."  
  
~Fuck, not this way.~  
  
Draco almost broke under the thought of what would happen next.~  
  
~Fuck is really the right word to describe it.~  
  
"Stupor totallis."  
  
Draco felt that he was unable to move, like every time.  
  
And like every time, his father had just left his brain and senses working.  
  
~I hate him for what he does to me. And one day, I will kill him.~  
  
Draco felt the undressing spell which Lucius used.  
  
The stones were cold on his skin.  
  
He thanked Merlin that he had removed the scratches Hermione had left last night.  
  
"I have not much time, so you are lucky today. I will have to hurry."  
  
Draco could do nothing as he father opened his pants and  
  
he remained silent as Lucius stepped near.  
  
He laid Draco on his stomach, the face on the stones.  
  
"Feel,"  
  
he whispered while he scratched Draco´s back brutally with his fingernails.  
  
Draco couldn´t help but moan from the pain as Lucius licked the wounds he had made.  
  
"Admit it, you like it."  
  
He groaned in his son´s ear.  
  
Draco wasn´t able to turn around and spit in his fathers face like he would have liked to.  
  
He just closed his eyes and prayed for it to be over soon.  
  
"Open your eyes"  
  
Lucius demanded and performed a spell to keep them open.  
  
He parted Draco´s ass and shoved himself forcefully into his son.  
  
Draco gasped for air at the sudden pain.  
  
Although this had happened so often to him, it still hurted.  
  
"Be a nice son,"  
  
Lucius gasped between two thrusts.  
  
Draco thought of Fee as a much as he could.  
  
The only thing he rembered before he fell unconcious,  
  
was he father that left him there, naked on the floor,  
  
just kicking him in the side before leaving the room.  
  
Salted tears flew over Dracos cheeks.  
  
~Fee, I need to see her.~  
  
Then the darkness took over him.  
  
************************* TBC *******************************  
  
AN: Poor Draco, but this will explain some of his reaction in the rest of the FF.  
  
I hoped that the FF. wouldn´t become so long, but I like writing too much, so I just cannot stop!! ;o)  
  
Please review!!!!!!!  
  
Tell me what you think!!!!!  
  
I love review, I can´t live without them!!!!!!!!  
  
DISCLAIMER: Same as last chapter...  
  
@ ILUVRONWEASLEY: But this wasn´t too romantic, was it? *smile* 


	25. Chapter twenty five Conflicts

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
"I just can't believe.  
  
It was all a lie .  
  
No man in the moon .  
  
Just a big light in the sky .  
  
I hear Disneyland .  
  
Might lose Mickey Mouse .  
  
In some giant hostile corporate shake-up .  
  
Tell me it's a nightmare .  
  
Please wake me up .  
  
(Say it isn't so) .  
  
I found a book of matches .  
  
From someplace we've never been .  
  
How come you hang the phone up .  
  
The minute I walk in .  
  
Last night I had this dream .  
  
That I was losing you .  
  
I woke up in a cold sweat shaking .  
  
Rescue me my heart is breaking .  
  
:  
  
Say it isn't so (tell me it's not true) .  
  
Say it isn't so (I believe in you) .  
  
Tell me it's a lie (I don't need no proof) .  
  
Say everything's alright (couldn't be, not you) .  
  
Say it isn't so .  
  
Say it isn't so (don't give up on me) .  
  
Say it isn't so (don't give up on you) .  
  
Get me through the night (we'll make it through) .  
  
Make everything alright (couldn't be, not you) .  
  
Say it isn't so."  
  
("Say it isn´t so" By Jon Bon Jovi)  
  
Chapter XXV Conflicts  
  
"Fee,"  
  
Dracos voice was low and full of pain.  
  
"Draco"  
  
Hermione was really shocked as she saw him in her bedroom, almost not able to stand on his  
  
own feet with bruises all over his face and arms.  
  
He weared his wizard robed, but they were dirty and blood was on them.  
  
Draco looked into her eyes, hoping for her to help him, to save him.  
  
Althoug he already knew that she wasn´t able to.  
  
He broke down to his knees.  
  
It took Hermione just two steps to be by his side.  
  
Kneeling down next to him, she felt a tear streaming down her cheek.  
  
"Don´t cry,"  
  
his voice was so low that she almost didn´t hear it.  
  
"Shh, don´t speak. Lay yourself down on the bed."  
  
After guiding him slowly to the bed, he collapsed onto it.  
  
She carefully laid a pillow under his head.  
  
He closed his eyes in pain as she lifted his head.  
  
"Who did this to you?"  
  
Hermione muttered under her breath while slowly opening his robes.  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"Doesn´t matter,"  
  
"It does, you are injured, everywhere are bruise,  
  
What the hell did you do?"  
  
"Nothing,"  
  
His eyes fluttered shut again.  
  
~Fuck, you have to go.~  
  
~I can´t leave him here alone like this. He is hurt.~  
  
~And your are in a even bigger mess if you let him here. Imagine someone would find him~  
  
~He could die. If he is innerly injured, I cannot see it.~  
  
~This is Draco Malfoy. It doesn´t bothre anyone if he dies.~  
  
~It does, it bothers me.~  
  
~...~  
  
~I can´t just leave him here. I have to help him.~  
  
~Then hurry.~  
  
******************************  
  
After performing a few healing spells and making sure that he hadn´t had inner injuries,  
  
Hermione wanted to leave for Grimmauld place.  
  
"Felicitas,"  
  
She turned around as he heard Draco´s voice from the bed.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
It hurted her to see him like this, so weak and vulnerable.  
  
"You have to sleep. I will be back in the morning."  
  
He hadn´t the strength to ask her more questions.  
  
~Do you think it is a good idea to leave him here in your flat while you are gone?~  
  
~Yes, hid all the important things with a special spell.~  
  
~So you don´t trust him either.~  
  
~.....~  
  
"Hey,"  
  
Draco had his eyes open again.  
  
Hermione gave him a warm smile.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
His eyes closed again.  
  
She carefully walked over outside her flat and apparated to Grimmauld Place.  
  
************************************  
  
"Hermione"  
  
The same moment Hermione entered the kitchen she heard Tonks voice.  
  
"I expected you to be here a bit earlier,"  
  
Hermione forced a smile.  
  
"I had some business to do. I´m sorry."  
  
She shivered .  
  
"Are you cold?"  
  
A familiar face seemed to pop out of nowhere.  
  
"Fred!  
  
If you like the colour of my hair, don´t shock me again like this! It is going to become grey."  
  
"I love your hair, `Mione."  
  
He slid a hand along her cheek.  
  
~I don´t want him to touch me like Draco did.~  
  
~Why?~  
  
~It doesn´t feel so right and good like when Draco does.~  
  
~You know the joke about this, don´t you?  
  
I guess it should rather feel right when Fred touches you, not Draco.~  
  
~I am aware of that, but please don´t make me feel any worse that I already do.~  
  
~Why do you feel bad?  
  
Because of leaving Draco at you flat or because of lying to your friends?~  
  
~I don´t lie to them.~  
  
~Not yet, but soon you will. If they ask you if you are ok, or when they ask you about Draco.~  
  
~I ... I will try to avoid lying.~  
  
~Then try.~  
  
Loud she said:  
  
"When is Dumbledore going to come?"  
  
"He said he would arrive about midnight."  
  
Fred told her.  
  
He bent lower to her neck and whispered in his lustfilled voice  
  
"So we have enough time left."  
  
Hermione shruddered.  
  
~I don´t want this to happen.~  
  
~you cannot block him off, they would be suspicious.  
  
If they are, you have to tell them the truth about Draco.  
  
And if they knew that he lays in your bed, vulnerable,  
  
injured and asleep, they would kill him without hesitating.~  
  
~Would they?~  
  
~Probably, forgotten that he killed Ginny, Harry, Ron, Oliver and your daughter?~  
  
~No, how could I?~  
  
~But at the moment it seems like you would have forgotten.~  
  
~You are sure that they would kill him?~  
  
~Yes,~  
  
~But why? That would make them as bad as Death-Eaters!~  
  
~Let me ask you a question.~  
  
~Go ahead.~  
  
~What would you do if somebody told you that your worst enemy, the man who killed your children and friends,  
  
lays in the flat of an Agent of the Order, asleep and vulnerable?~  
  
~It isn´t like this.~  
  
~Please. Answer. My. Question.~  
  
~I would go and punish him, probably kill him.~  
  
Her voice was very low, even for mental standard.  
  
~There you go. Their reaction would be completely understandable.~  
  
Even the voice of her inner self was low and gentle.  
  
~If you go with Fred, you don´t cheat on him, you save his life.~  
  
~What do I do? I lie to my friends in order to protect the man I love,  
  
who is cruel and a monster. This is completely insane.~  
  
~This is the way love sometimes is. Strange and painful.~  
  
~I don´t want it to be like this, I wished Draco would be a good guy,  
  
for I know, in the end, I will have to choose between him and my friends.~  
  
~This isn´t over yet, there are a lot of things that can happen in the future.~  
  
~I know, but I am so scared.  
  
The thought of what can happen if this continues the way it seems to,  
  
there is going to be a tragedy in the end.~  
  
~..~  
  
~You think the same way, don´t you?~  
  
~I do, but only if this continues the way it seems, then yes.~  
  
~I knew it.~  
  
~You know what?~  
  
~This is not meant to be, no matter how right it feels.~  
  
~Stop telling me these stupid things, everything is going to be ok somehow.~  
  
~How?~  
  
~I don´t know yet, but I am sure it will be good in a way in the end.~  
  
~Liar.~  
  
~..~  
  
~This has to end tragic, if not, the whole logic of the world is upside down.~  
  
~In movies or books it is often like this.~  
  
~Yeah, but I don´t live a movie, or a book. I just live my life.~  
  
~Please, don´t think such sad thoughts.  
  
Haven´t you noticed that we changed roles?  
  
I am now the one who tries to make you feel better,  
  
and you then one who makes us feel bad.~  
  
A sad smile apeared on Hermiones inner lips.  
  
~That´s true.~  
  
~And perhaps it is a sign. A sign that the rules are going to be changed.~  
  
Innerly Hermione shrugged.  
  
"Hey, where are you Hermione?"  
  
"Oh sorry, as I said, I am a bit tired."  
  
She smiled apologizing at Fred.  
  
Who looked a bit concerned.  
  
"Then I need to wake you up."  
  
It was now that Hermione noticed that they were alone in the kitchen.  
  
"Where are the others?"  
  
"They have been gone quite a while, and won´t come back so soon. Means we are alone."  
  
Fred nuzzled against the soft skin on her neck.  
  
He took her hand.  
  
"Come,"  
  
"Where?"  
  
She tried to gain time, for she thought desperate about what to do.  
  
"Upstairs, where no one can interrupt us."  
  
He grabed her around the waist and kissed her feverishly on the mouth.  
  
She was so surprised that she opened her lips in shock.  
  
Fred just took this opportunity to guide his tongue insider her mouth.  
  
He grabed her even tighter and guided her out of the kitchen, upstairs in his bedroom.  
  
Upstairs, so the tragedy could take its path.  
  
******************** TBC ****************************  
  
AN: Poor Hermione... (someone is poor in every chapter, noticed??? ;o) )  
  
Again I thank all those one who reviewed.  
  
Sorry I don´t list everyone of them, but I don´t have that much time..  
  
But a little question in the end:  
  
What makes me write more and faste?  
  
What makes my heart pound like mad?  
  
What makes me smile but the sight of it?  
  
Right answer: REVIEWS!!! So please give me lots of them!!!!! ;o))))  
  
AN2:  
  
Please forgive me my mistakes but as I mention so often,  
  
English isn´t my native language plus my laptop doesn´t do what I want, means: he doesn´t  
  
correct me if I make spelling mistakes.  
  
So, the one who finds a mistake may keep it.. ;o)  
  
Disclaimer: I own nobody, J.K.Rowling the genius does. 


	26. Chapter twenty six A fairy tale

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
Mother mother tell your children.  
  
That their time has just begun  
  
I have suffered for my anger.  
  
There are wars that can't be won.  
  
Father father please believe me.  
  
I am laying down my guns  
  
I am broken like an arrow.  
  
Forgive me.  
  
Forgive your wayward son.  
  
Everybody needs somebody to love (mother, mother)  
  
Everybody needs somebody to hate (please believe me).Everybody's bitching 'cause  
  
they can't get enough.  
  
And it's hard to hold on  
  
When there's no one to lean on.  
  
Faith: you know you're gonna live thru the rain.  
  
Lord you got to keep the faith  
  
Faith: don't let your love turn to hate.  
  
Right now we got to Keep the faith  
  
Keep the faith. Keep the faith.  
  
Lord we got to keep the faith.  
  
Tell me baby when I hurt you.  
  
Do you keep it all inside  
  
Do you tell me all's forgiven.  
  
And just hide behind your pride.  
  
Everybody needs somebody to love (mother, father)  
  
Everybody needs somebody to hate (please don't leave me).  
  
Everybody's bleeding  
  
'cause the times are tough.  
  
Well it's hard to be strong.  
  
When there's no one to dream on.  
  
Faith: you know you're gonna live thru the rain.  
  
Lord you got to keep the faith.  
  
Now you know is not too late.  
  
Oh you got to keep the faith  
  
Faith: don't let your love turn to hate.  
  
Right now we got to. Keep the faith.  
  
Keep the faith. Keep the faith.  
  
Lord we got to keep the faith.  
  
Walking in the footsteps.Of society's lies.  
  
I don't like what I see no more  
  
Sometimes I wish that I was blind.  
  
Sometimes I wait forever.  
  
To stand out in the rain.  
  
So no one sees me cryin'.  
  
Trying to wash away the pain  
  
Mother father.  
  
There's things I've done I can't erase.  
  
Every night we fall from grace  
  
It's hard with the world in yours face.  
  
Trying to hold on, trying to hold on.  
  
Faith: you know you're gonna live thru the rain.  
  
Lord you got to keep the faith.  
  
Faith: don't let your love turn to hate.  
  
Right now we got to keep the faith.  
  
Faith: now it's not too late.  
  
Try to hold on, trying to hold on.  
  
Keep the faith.  
  
("Keep the faith" By Jon Bon Jovi, great song, isn´t it? I thought it would fit to Freds situation...)  
  
Chapter XXVI A fairy tale  
  
This hurts, he hurts me, even if he doesn´t want it.His breath is so hot against my skin and I don´t like the way he gasps when he thrusts.  
  
Please, make this end soon.What shall I tell him? I believe what he just said,He tells you the thruth, but if you say that you are his girl, you lie to him.  
  
Because your heart belongs to someone else.  
  
His enemy, the guy he fights against.But if I tell him how it is about my heart, he will maybe break.Then you have to take this risk.  
  
No one asked you if you would break, so, tell him the truth.You are a liar.I know. But I think it was right.Why do you think so?One of us will probably die in a battle.But what if no one is so "lucky" to die?  
  
What are you going to tell him when this thing with Malfoy comes out?It won´t. When I am back home, I´ll help Draco and then continue my mission.That means being together with Draco.I know, but I am sure that I can handle it.Liar.you have to tell someone.this could kill me or Draco or both of us.this is Tonks. You can trust her.  
  
"Ok. Do you know somewhere to be alone?"  
  
"Yeah,"  
  
Tonks face was earnest.  
  
"Is it so important?"  
  
Hermione just nodded while Tonks led her to her room.  
  
"We can talk here."  
  
Tonks closed the door behind them.  
  
"I am going to tell you a fairy tale.  
  
About a woman, madly in love with someone she shouldn´t. Something like "Romeo and Juliet" if you know what I mean."  
  
Tonks just raised a brow, but nodded.  
  
And Hermione began to tell her the fairy tale of a woman who loved the wrong man.  
  
***************************************  
  
When she had finished she looked at Tonks.  
  
"How is this story going to end?"  
  
Tonks voice was low and weak.  
  
" I have no idea."  
  
And this was the truth.  
  
********************** TBC *****************************  
  
AN: Sorry, but I am too tired to write more... Although I hope you liked it.  
  
I just wanted to make Hermiones life more complicated as it already is. (I know I can be mean..)  
  
But tomorrow I can surely write more, because Friday is free!!!!! Yuppie!!  
  
Ok, but I would be very (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Happy if you reviewed!!!!  
  
Please!!!!  
  
Today I checked my reviews during school and I almost fell of my chair!!!!  
  
I was som happy about every single one.  
  
So please hold on making me happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own nobody, J.K. Rowling own every single character I write about. :o((((( 


	27. Chapter twenty seven Secrets stay untold

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
And you can see the coming battle  
  
You pray the drums will never cease  
  
And you may win this war that's coming  
  
But would you tolerate the peace?  
  
Investing in munitions  
  
And those little cotton flags  
  
Invest in wooden caskets  
  
In guns and body bags, guns and body bags  
  
I imagine there's a future  
  
When all the earthly wars are over  
  
You may find yourself just standing there  
  
On the white cliffs of Dover  
  
And you invested in this prison  
  
From which you never got released  
  
You may have won this war we're fighting  
  
But would you tolerate the peace?  
  
There's a war on our democracy  
  
A war on our dissent  
  
There's a war inside religion  
  
And what Jesus might have meant  
  
There's a war on mother nature  
  
A war upon the seas  
  
There's a war upon the forests  
  
On the birds and the bees  
  
There's a war on education  
  
A war on information  
  
A war between the sexes  
  
And every nation  
  
A war on our compassion  
  
A war on understanding  
  
A war on love and life itself  
  
It's war that they're demanding  
  
Make it easy on yourself  
  
And don't do nothing  
  
("This war" By Sting)  
  
Chapter XXVII Secret stays untold  
  
"This is not fairy tale, isn?t it?"  
  
"No, not really."  
  
Hermiones voice was barely a whisper.  
  
"And, this is not ordinary witch, isn?t it?  
  
You are that witch, aren?t you?"  
  
Hermione just nodded.  
  
"Please, don?t tell me that Malfoy is that guy in your story."  
  
Hermione swallowed.  
  
"What if it would be him?  
  
Would that change anything?"  
  
"I guess it would change a lot. But you didn?t answer my question. It was him, wasn?t it?  
  
"It was him. Or better, it is him.  
  
But you are not going to tell the other, please."  
  
"If you beg me not to do it, I won´?t."  
  
"Thank you, that is more than I hoped for."  
  
"Do you love him? Do you really love Draco Malfoy?"  
  
"Yeah, I guess I do."  
  
"Fuck, this is so goddamn complicated.  
  
Why couldn?t you just fell in love with some normal guy,  
  
or at least a one who would be such an evil person?"  
  
"I don´?t try to tell you that he isn?t evil, I just tell you that I love him.  
  
But it will change nothing on my mission and my position in the order.  
  
There are just some feelings, and I am sure, they will go away after a short time."  
  
"Do you really believe what you just said?"  
  
"I guess I have to."  
  
"I don?´t worry about your loyalty to the Order. I worry about you.  
  
This could break you."  
  
Both women remained silent for a couple of minutes.  
  
"You slept with Fred, didn´?t you?"  
  
Hermione just nodded, she felt to weak to answer.  
  
"That?s it what I meant about breaking you.  
  
You won?t hurt Fred, you like him too much for that.  
  
And as you can see with your own eyes, this war makes him sick.  
  
He probably told you that you are the reason why he still lives,  
  
even if he doesn´?t care you love him back or not.  
  
That what he told George about a week ago or so.  
  
Did you told him that you love him back?"  
  
"Not really, I just told him that I am his girl."  
  
"Well, that was nice from you, I mean considered the fact that you don?t love him.  
  
You have noticed that he is damaged inside, that is the only reason why you told him, right?"  
  
Hermione nodded, It was useless to try to hide something in front of Tonks.  
  
And the hadn?´t the strength to do that anymore.  
  
"I..I have seen that there is no shimmer in his eyes,  
  
and he doesn?´t laugh that often as he did before."  
  
"He is an agent that works outside, he is with people who try to stop the Dark Lord in little things, like in families or so.  
  
This is probably the only thing we are at least a bit successful.  
  
But although he sees too much pain. We offered him to change his position, but he refused.  
  
It is important to him to help people, although it is breaking him"  
  
Hermione felt like crying.  
  
I destroy everything I touch.  
  
It seems like everything good would vanish under my touch,  
  
like I would bring out the worst in people.Fuck, this was everything but polite, this is Dumbledore, so behave yourself!It seems like they want me to go as fast as possible. But why?Snape said something about a gift for Voldemort.But why didn´?t they tell me?They surely will. But now you better do as they say, remember,  
  
Draco lies on your bed and is injured, perhaps he needs help.Fuck, you are right, do you think I can take some of Molly soup with me?Yeah, but hurry."  
  
As Hermione apparated back home, there was the next surprise waiting for her.  
  
******************* TBC ****************************  
  
AN: I hope you liked it, it is important that Hermione knows about nothing,  
  
if she does, everything is ruined..  
  
I´?ll continue the story as fast as possible, but I need some new ideas..  
  
Anyway, please review!!! Perhaps it is an inspiration to me?!?!?!?!?!  
  
However I am happy about every review!!!!!!  
  
@ILUVRONWEASLEY What is wrong with Fred? ;o) In my fic he is a poor guy...  
  
@Draco_Fan: Hermione and Draco snogging? Probably in the next chapter, I mean, I have to keep the reader ;o)) (But I hope you still review if they don´t snog *g*)  
  
@DodgerMcClure.aka.Drama-Queen: I like conflicts as well, but just if I am not the one in the conflict. 


	28. Chapter twenty eight Is this really the ...

"Heaven holds a sense of wonder"  
  
And I'd give up forever to touch you  
  
Cause I know that you feel me somehow  
  
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
  
And I don't want to go home right now  
  
And all I can taste is this moment  
  
And all I can breathe is your life  
  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
  
I just don't want to miss you tonight  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming  
  
Or the moment of truth in your lies  
  
When everything feels like the movies  
  
Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive  
  
And I don't want the world to see me  
  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
I don't want the world to see me  
  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
  
When everything's made to be broken  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
I just want you to know who I am  
  
(I don?t know the title, but I would be happy if somebody could tell me, because this song is so great!!!)  
  
Chapter XXVIII Is this really the same person?  
  
As Hermione came back to her flat, everything was silent and empty.  
  
She slowly walked over to the bedroom and looked into.  
  
Draco lay there like she had left him, he looked so peaceful.  
  
If someone had told her that this man had killed so many people,  
  
destroyed so many families, she wouldn?t believe it by his looks now.  
  
Almost angelic he lay there, his blonde hair spread on the pillow,  
  
his chest rising and falling heavily.  
  
She walked towards the bed and stood next to it and simply watched Draco sleep.  
  
~Is this really the same guy I saw three years ago, killing my family?~  
  
~Yes, he is.~  
  
~He seems to have changed.  
  
You have seen him when he came here.  
  
He looked so vulnerable.  
  
And I cannot imagine the old Draco being vulnerable.  
  
Haven?t you seen the look in his eyes?  
  
So kind and caring as he looked at me.  
  
I can´t believe that he is still the same.~  
  
~But he is, he is still the same cruel and heartless person.~  
  
~And I fell in love with this guy?~  
  
~Yeah, you did.~  
  
~Tell me its just a dream, things like this just happen in movie or a third class book.~  
  
~What are you going to do next?~  
  
~I don?t know. Tell me, what "can" I do?~  
  
~You could throw him out, after you "discovered" that he is a "Death- Eater"~  
  
~No, I have to finish this mission.~  
  
~But how will you do this?  
  
Your heart is going crazy, loving and hating the same guy is never good.~  
  
~If I throw him out, what then?  
  
He won?t come back and fight for me.  
  
He can have any woman he wants, so tell me, why should he come back for me?~  
  
~because he loves you.  
  
He came to you after he was injured,  
  
he looked for help, you were the one who gave him strength.  
  
He told you that.~  
  
~I am nothing more than a simple woman, I need to be protected too.  
  
So why the hell does no one care if I need somebody?  
  
They just tell me that they need me, that I give them strength. I am the fuck tired of this!  
  
I don?t want to hear anymore that I am the sense in the life of some guy!~  
  
~It is not upon you to decide this.  
  
It is not your choice what other people see in you.  
  
Be happy that you are able to give someone strength.  
  
You should be grateful that you can give something not everyone can give in this war.~  
  
~I give nothing, not everyone can give.  
  
If I give Draco strength to fight, this is anything bit good for the Order,  
  
if I give Fred strength, this is a bit of a use to them.  
  
But in the end, I do nothing good to the Order.  
  
Malfoy is so much stronger than Fred, so please stop this stupid thoughts.~  
  
~But the fact is, that you can change this war, even if you don?t want to be it true.~  
  
Hermione stood up, and walked through her apartment.  
  
Her steps were quick and restless.  
  
She opened all windows, hoping that they would save her from suffering.  
  
Although she knew that she wasn?t suffering because of the loss of air.  
  
She suffered form her thoughts.  
  
~This is killing you. You have to quit this mission.~  
  
~No, I am not going to give up, I gave up once, but this time I will beat them.  
  
Voldemort took almost everything away from me.  
  
I want to see him be destroyed.~  
  
~Then you have to go on, if your well-being depends on this.~  
  
~It does.~  
  
She walked back into her bedroom, taking a seat on the edge of her bed, next to Draco.  
  
Returning to watching him sleep again.  
  
Letting her thoughts flew back to old times, let herself think of Oliver, Harry, Ron, Ginny and Lily.  
  
She hoped it would stop her loving the man in front of her.  
  
But she knew, it wouldn?t.  
  
****************************************  
  
Hermione slowly sat up.  
  
She looked around, the sun stand high on the sky.  
  
She glanced at her alarm clock and groaned.  
  
It was past twelve.  
  
Hermione looked around and saw that Draco watched her through half open eyelids.  
  
"Hey,"  
  
His voice was sleepy.  
  
"I see you are awake."  
  
He tried to seat himself, but gasped as the pain in his rips was too strong.  
  
Collapsing back onto the bed he made a face.  
  
"I hate it to be so weak in front of a beautiful woman."  
  
Hermione blushed.  
  
"How long have you been awake?"  
  
"Long enough to watch your sleep."  
  
"Why didn?t you wake me up?"  
  
"You seemed so tired and looked so peaceful sleeping there."  
  
He slowly and carefully rolled to his side and placed a soft kiss on her lips.  
  
Hermione frowned.  
  
"As I see you feel better."  
  
He nodded,  
  
"Thanks to your spells."  
  
He pulled her down to him, so that her face was just inches away from his.  
  
"Kiss me, Fee."  
  
"I don?t know if you are healthy enough for it."  
  
Instead of an answer he pressed his lips onto hers.  
  
He gently sucked her lower lip until she groaned and gave him access to her mouth.  
  
Draco?s tongue slid over hers and massaged it gently.  
  
Pulling her even further down,  
  
she had to place her hands next to his face if she didn?t want to fall over him.  
  
He opened his eyes and watched her face.  
  
His hands quickly wandered down to her waist.  
  
One of them got even further and cupped her bottom.  
  
"Draco,"  
  
she moaned into his mouth.  
  
"I love when you do that."  
  
"Do you what?"  
  
She broke the kiss and brought herself back in a more seating position.  
  
"I love when you moan my name."  
  
Her lips, still swollen from their kiss, formed a slight smile.  
  
"We can?t do that now,"  
  
"Why?  
  
It makes me feel better, and the doctor has to do as the patient wishes."  
  
"But,"  
  
Hermione tried to answer, but was silenced by Draco kissing her passionately.  
  
She gave into his kiss, and it seemed to last for hours.  
  
As they pulled away, both breathless, he grinned at her.  
  
"A kiss is the nicest way to silence somebody, remember that, Fee."  
  
"I will."  
  
She slid her hands over his chest.  
  
He was well built, not to muscular, exactly the way she liked it.  
  
"Fee, I want to ask you something."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"You will come to that ball, won?t you?"  
  
She nodded.  
  
Fuck, now you began it, you have to finish it.But how will she react if I tell her?  
  
I mean, being a Death-Eater isn?t something like have been to jail or stuff like this.If she loves you she won?t care.But I "would" care if I fell in love with someone,  
  
and this someone told me that she is in the Order.But she isn?t in the Order, by the way, why should she be?No, I don?t mean that she is in the Order,  
  
I mean that she will probably care if I am a Death-Eater.Ok, then wait with telling her.I guess I have to wait for the right moment to tell her.The way her eyes shine when she smiles. I love it.  
  
I live her too much to risk her to leave me.  
  
I love her too much to tell her, for if I tell, she won?t be able to love me.If you lie at her, do think she can love you better with you hiding a part of?  
  
Because that is what the Dark Lord is.  
  
A part of you, you did so many things, just to please him, you did so countless crimes in his name.  
  
If you hide that you belong to his league, you?ll hide almost your entire life.Is this really my entire life? Do I have really nothing else?What shall you have?  
  
There is nothing, you are empty inside.  
  
That is why you fell head over heels for her, she has life insider her body,  
  
she is warm, where you are cold.  
  
You want her to warm you with her love.  
  
You want her to fill you up with feelings, you are tired of being the man who are.  
  
You trust nobody so you desperately try to trust her,  
  
You love nobody, not even yourself, you began to love her.  
  
You didn´t felt a thing until you met her.......You know that I am right, don?t you?  
  
"Fee, I thank you for helping me, but I have to leave now. Please forgive me."  
  
Dracos voice was husky as he stood up and kissed her hard on the mouth.  
  
His kiss was hungry and soft at the same time.  
  
It almost felt desperate.  
  
He released her and looked one last time at her before he stormed out of the door.  
  
*********************** TBC **************************  
  
AN: I hope you liked it!!!  
  
Please review!!!!!!!!!  
  
It doesn't?have to be long, but it makes me so happy if you review!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nobody, J.K. Rowling does, She is genius and  
  
I would give everything to own Draco or Oliver, (Fred is ok too. ;o) )  
  
@ILUVRONWEASLEY: I know, I know, Fred is kinda in the way, but I couldn´t leave him out! Anyway, I like a complicated plot. ;o) 


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